Bonds
by liliaeth
Summary: Spike's parents show up in Sunnydale (Highlander/Buffy) complete
1. Hi mom

Title: Bonds   
Author: Mina Clare and Lore  
Spoilers: Up to Hells Bells, maybe some input from later eps   
Rating: PG13 (so far)  
Feedback: please, let us know your ideas, opinions (good or bad)  
Summary: William's parents show up in Sunnydale  
Category: Crossover (Buffy/Highlander)  
Pairing: Buffy/Spike, Methos/Rose(OC)  


Loud angry bellows swept through the skies as Igrajib of Banjor mourned his mate. For a thousand loves they'd clung to one another, creeping together for hunt and pleasure. They'd warmed one another in their victims entrails, gorging themselves on guts and blood and tears.

His mate had held his tendrils, feeding him in his weakness. She'd cleaned his scubs of sand and had protected and cared for their offspring. He remembered long mornings of bathing in the ocean, spurting water at his mate and wallowing in the moonlight.

And now ... now it was her carcass bleeding out in a muddy grave and Igrajib who mourned her passing, their broken bond.

Part One

Bonds, sometimes you can't help having them? A parent and child, friends, lovers... Bonds they just exist, they're real, ... and   
they're vital. They can be fierce as iron, fragile like cord or deceptively frail like nylon. Bonds appear in all forms, all shapes.   
Some old, some new...  
Sometimes a bond forms quickly like a flash of lightening, on other it sets on like a tidal flow, slow and recurring, but in the end   
unstoppable.  
  
For centuries Rose had thought she knew the bond she had with the man sitting next to her. He'd been her teacher, her friend, her lover at times when both felt they needed one. Yet in all the time that she'd loved the man, she'd never expected that love to be returned in quite the same way.  
  
"California," Methos muttered, shaking his head,   
"You know" and he put all the proper emphasis on it, "how much I hate California. It's ... California!"  
  
Rose groaned deeply, too tired to once again repeat the same argument they'd been having since they'd left London.   
"It's just a pick up for the university Methos. It wasn't my decision where to pick it up *from*. It's not like 'I' ordered 'you'   
to join me."  
"But couldn't you make them mail it to you?"  
He was practically whining by now.  
  
"It's 400 years old. You can't expect them to send a four centuries old renaissance sketch by Fed ex." She tried to make her scowl as disapproving as possible, though she'd given up on expecting better from him centuries ago. "You, of all people, should know how unreliable the mail can be."   
She reached onto the dashboard, glancing into her cigarette pack.   
"Damn, I'm out. Do you mind if I stop to pick up a pack?"  
  
Methos snorted and gave her a quick nod.  
  
She parked the car.   
"I'll nip into the convenience store. Why don't you go across the street and pick us up a couple of burgers from that Doublemeat   
Palace? I'm hungry."  
Methos gave her a weird look that seemed to ask her for her sanity.  
"Please?"  
He groaned and got out of the car.  
"Don't forget your wallet!"  
He turned around and barely managed to catch her throw.  
  
"I don't know why I put up with you!" He yelled while crossing the street.  
  
"I'm cute and I'm the only one to laugh at your jokes!"   
Her yells ran after him as she marched up to the convenience store.   
She went in, going up to the counter.   
"Can I get a pack of cigarettes?"  
  
"ID," the cashier said.  
  
She rolled her eyes. "For the love of-- Fine." She started to dig in her purse. If not for the delay she probably wouldn't even have noticed him. He stood in the corner, grabbing a couple of beers. The man looked like a fugitive from the punkera, with his black leather clothes and his punkish bottleblond hair. She could almost imagine him on a videoclip as a Billy idol lookalike. Only years out of time.  
  
"Hurry up Nibblet, I got things to do."  
  
That voice.  
"William?"

**** 1882 ****

Rose stood in front of the mirror, looking at the image reflected at them as she bound her son's tie. The boy was shuffling his feet, impatient to leave. She held in an urge to slap him on the fingers to get him to stand still and stop fidgeting, but restrained   
herself and finished straightening his suit.  
  
William was smiling, shy as always. Both excited and scared at the same time. He had a noteblock in one hand and a pen in the other. His glasses slid down his nose and she pushed them back up again.  
  
"Don't you look dapper, tonight. You will be the toast of the town. In no way will Cecily be able to resist your charms."  
  
William blushed somewhat, his hand moved up trying to get his hair looking straight again, it was a hopeless fight he was bound to loose as his pen brustled through his curls.  
"Tonight will be the night mother. You will be the prettiest grandmother in London in no time."   
He looked over the redheaded woman.   
"How do you look so beautiful, mother?"  
  
"Good genes," she replied, a bit smugly, "Now go. Please be home early. I will be up all night worrying if you are not home when I go to bed."  
  
"Do not worry, Mother." William's lips barely brushed his mothers cheek. "I would never worry you."

**** Present ****

The punk turned around, staring at her, his eyes wide open in shock.  
"Mother?"  
  
What followed went so fast that one eyeblink could have made her miss it, his eyes changed color and ridges appeared on his   
forehead. The moment was short and all to soon he looked human again.He grabbed the hand of a young girl who was standing a bit further, looking through some mags, and ran, pulling the kid along with him, making her drop her wallet and the necklace she'd been holding.  
  
She noticed it though, backing off, up against the counter.   
"William.... What happened?" She chased after him into the parking lot.   
"WILLIAM!"  
  
William and the girl got on a motorcycle, roaring off. Rose stood there, watching her son retreat. She lowered her head, feeling her heart sink. She raised her head when she felt the buzz.  
  
Methos furrowed his brow, looking at his lover's confused expression.   
"Rose? What's wrong?"  
  
"William.... I just saw William," she rasped.  
  
Methos gave her a wondering look as if he didn't really understand what the hell she was talking about.  
  
"My son! William!" Rose exclaimed. "The one I adopted in 1860."  
  
Methos gave her an odd look.  
"So you just saw a geriatric of over a 140 years old? Sure Rose,... He ...It was probably just someone who looked like him. Or ... hell, he could have been a descendant for all you know."  
  
"He called me mother!" She was shaking violently, sinking to the concrete.   
"He died.... The police told me he died. Pickpockets....."  
She ran her fingers through her hair. "It was him. He recognized me.   
He wasn't immortal..... I would have never let them bury him if he were."  
Methos didn't know anything to do, but just hold on to her, to listen to her.  
"Someone dug up his grave," she whispered, gripping Methos tightly. "Someone dug him up, stole his body."  
  
"Vampire." Methos whispered.  
  
Rose wasn't even sure she'd heard him correctly.  
"There's no such thing," she whispered back.  
  
"Oh, yes... Immortals exists, but vampires, how could they be real?"   
Methos shook his head.   
"You would think after a thousand years, that you'd know better Rosa."  
  
"He's a vampire?" She gasped in pained shock. "That face... That demonic face. He changed when he looked at me."  
  
"Be glad he's gone Rose. Vampires they're ... they're evil."  
  
"No," she said firmly, "Not my William. He was *good*. He was... He was... He was a good boy, a good son!"  
She was fighting tears. "Do they really murder for food? Drink the blood of mortals?"  
  
"Worse. They don't need to kill Rose. But they do anyway... for the chaos, the destruction..."  
It seemed there was a bitter sadness in his words.  
"Whatever looked at you from out of his body. That wasn't William.   
It was just a demon wearing his face."  
  
Rose got to her feet, wiping the tears from her eyes. She grit her teeth, turning to Methos. He could tell the look in her eyes. She was on the hunt. "Tell me... Does beheading really work?"

*********

"Spike!"  
Dawn pulled away from the vampire who was dragging her into her house.   
"Why did we have to run out of there? I was going to buy something!"  
She tried to bring a pout in her voice. She pouted a bit at those words.The cornershop over at Marston was after all one of the few shops in town that hadn't banned her for shoplifting yet. Now they still might, she couldn't help but staring at the lipstick she was holding. One she most definitely had planned to pay for.  
  
"Stay out of it, Nibblet!" Spike snarled. He usually wasn't this harsh with her.   
  
"Who was that?" She asked. "That woman."  
  
"A demon. Can't be anything else. Damn demon, daring to take her face. Can't be ... has to be a demon, has to be..."  
He kept on rambling, moving back and forth.  
  
"Who was it? An old girlfriend?" Dawn gave a nervous smile.  
  
Spike didn't answer.  
  
"Spike... You're scaring me...." Dawn said.   
  
A car skidded to a halt in front of the Summers' home. The woman in from the convenience store came out, brandishing a sword. "You should be more careful with your wallet, little girl," she snarled at Dawn before she turned to Spike. "William."  
  
Dawn trembled as she felt Spike's grip on her hand loosen as he froze in some kind of shock. Thank god that it only lasted for a moment before he planted himself in between Dawn and the strange   
woman.  
"Dawn, run!" He pushed her away.  
  
"I have no interest in her, unless you've turned her into your kind...." The woman snarled.   
"How could you let this happen, William?!?!"  
  
"BUFFY!" Dawn yelled as she saw her sister walking up the street. "HELP!"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, running towards Spike. She picked up the redhead, throwing her aside.   
"Who do you owe money to this time, Spike?"  
  
"Look here Slayer..."  
  
The attacker got up off the pavement, picking up her sword.   
"This is a matter between me and William," she hissed.  
  
"Slayer?" A man came out of the car. He rushed out, grabbing Rose. "She'll take care of this, Rose."  
  
The woman with the sword tried to surge forward. Buffy pulled out a stake, throwing it into her heart. She didn't turn to dust, as Buffy expected. She made a strange gasp and started to die in her companion's arms.  
"Nobody stakes my ... vampire."  
Buffy's hand went to her mouth before she could stop herself.   
Dawn just stared at the man who was holding on to the woman's dead body.  
  
"What did you do that for? She wasn't..."  
He seemed to stare up in shock as Buffy went up to Spike, standing in between the strangers and the vampire.  
The dark haired man who had run from the car got up pulled the stake from the redhead's heart and approached Buffy.   
"Why aren't you killing him?" He asked. "He's a vampire, you're the Vampire Slayer! Put two and two together!"   
He didn't even seem at all concerned with the fact his companion was now dead.  
  
Buffy pushed Spike to the door and got in a fighting stance.   
"Spike get inside."  
  
"Not on your life Slayer."  
Spike pushed passed Buffy, vamping out. He grabbed the dark haired man.   
"I don't know who you are and why you look like my father....."  
  
"Father?" Dawn couldn't help but mirror Buffy's confusion.  
  
"But I never had a chance to get even with him for deserting us either..."  
  
Buffy and Dawn looked even more shocked when the redhead gasped for air and got up.  
"William Adam Marlowe, put him down NOW!"  
Especially when Spike actually obeyed the order and looked at the woman in shock.  
"You're a vampire," She said calmly, still holding the sword tightly in her hands.  
  
"Yep that's the bollocks"  
  
"You're an evil, soulless killer.  
  
"Well that's half the fun of it."  
He sneered at the woman.  
  
"Yeah right."  
Dawn couldn't help herself.   
"Spike's about as evil as a kitten up a tree."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"I am sooo evil..."

"What?" The sword dropped slightly. She turned to her companion.   
"You told me vampires were evil! I'm not going to kill him unless he's evil!"

"Vampires are evil!" The dark haired man snarled. "I don't know what his problem is if he isn't!"

Dawn could feel Buffy's frown on her and the others. If her sisters eyebrows could go any higher they'd be on top of her head.

The strangers began arguing about the evil of vampires. The woman ended it by yelling,   
"I am not going to kill my son unless he really is a soulless, evil murderer!"  
  
"Son?"  



	2. Revelations

Part Two

"Who are you two?" Buffy demanded as she glared at the two strangers sitting on her couch. The woman sitting comfortably, one leg crossed over the other, the man sprawled back, throwing her suspicious looks.   
"And why would you call Spike 'your son'?"  
  
"I'm Rose. This is--" She paused, "Adam."   
She rubbed her chest.   
"And I am William's mother."  
  
"The name's Spike now"  
  
Both Rose and the young blond girl ignored the young affronted vampire.  
Buffy paced. "If you two are Spike's parents, then why are you still alive? He's like way old."  
  
"Well, we're even older."  
  
"But you're not vampires?"  
  
"Not all demons are vampires luv."  
  
"Spike shut up!"  
  
"We're not demons!" Rose cried indignantly. "We're immortals."  
  
"Immortals?"  
  
Adam took Rose's hand. "Rose, you don't have to tell them anyth--"  
  
"SHUT UP METHOS!"   
  
Rose got up. "We're of a race of people that don't age past their first death. It's a big mystery, no one really knows what we are, where we came from ... I was already 800 plus when I adopted William-- I mean, Spike."  
  
The vampire seemed a bit shocked at those words. Dawn just held his hand, not saying a word.  
Spike seemed to ignore the important part of the explanation, focusing on the insignificant. "I'm ADOPTED?"  
  
"Well of course you are my boy. Immortals can't have children of our own. It's one of the great regrets of immortality."  
  
"Well, at least that means I'm not actually related to this git," He gestured to Adam.  
  
"William Marlowe, don't say things like that about your father!" Rose said.  
  
Dawn, who had been quiet this whole time, finally exploded.   
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"  
They all turned to her.  
"Come on Spike, you're the one who's always telling me that it doesn't matter if I really am my mom's daughter, cause she chose to have me as hers. So what makes this any different?"  
  
Dawn cringed as Buffy reacted in shock. She'd done her best to make sure that Buffy hadn't known about her doubts. It's why she told them to Spike, so Buffy didn't have even more to worry about. Buffy reached out to her, her sisters hand felt warm and comforting, Dawn smiled back at her, desperate to reassure her.  
  
Rose approached Spike hesitantly, cradling his cheek.   
"I took you in when you were only a week old William. You are my son. No matter the question of blood."  
  
"See. Family."  
Rose couldn't help but smile at the girl who seemed so fearless in dealing with a vampire.  
  
Spike wrapped his arm around Rose, hugging her. "Mum..... Mum....."   
He hugged her fiercely.   
"I thought you were dead."  
And as shocking as it was, Methos and Buffy couldn't help but share a look of apprehension.  
  
Rose turned to Methos, taking his hand.   
"Listen, love.... Maybe you should go back to the hotel. I think William and I have a lot of things to talk about."  
Methos glared at her. He didn't say a word, but just from the look in his eyes, Rose could see there was no way in hell, that she'd get him to leave without her.  
"That worried about me, huh?" She pressed a gentle kiss on his lips, her hand touching out to his.   
"You know, I didn't last a thousand years by being stupid. I've got my sword, besides ..."  
  
Spike gave a loud snort. "Still being stupid, eh Mum?"  
  
"What do you mean?" She turned back to Spike.  
  
"You and him," Spike pointed at Methos, "He must have left us dozens of times. And you're still with him."  
  
"What can I say? He's a bad habit I'm not very likely to break."  
She smiled at Methos before turning to the others "Speaking of bad habits... Does anyone smoke? I need one bad."  
Spike just offered her a cigarette, then at her look.  
  
"Oh come on mum, I don't even need to breathe? What's it gonna do, kill me?"  
  
"Outside," Buffy said simply. "Outside NOW.  
It might not make you any deader. But I'm damn well not going to allow smoking in 'my' house."  
  
Rose and Spike shared a knowing glance and moved outside. Rose stayed standing for a second, not sure how to proceed. Spike sat down and she finally sat down next to him. Both on their own side of the porch. He hesitated for a second before lighting a cigarette. She took one of her own and came a bit closer to him as he lighted hers as well.

Dawn could see the silence grow between them. Two people, neither of them wanting to say the first words, words that could bring them together, or break them apart forever.

"So.... What's the girl's deal? Your girlfriend."  
  
"I wish..." Was she only imagining the sadness in Spike's voice.  
"We have ... had something ... but ... I don't know. She's the Slayer, I'm a vampire... It's just complicated."  
  
"What's the Slayer?"  
  
Spike looked at her, glared at her for a second.  
"You're serious? You're a 1000 years old and you don't know?"  
  
"I tend to stay out of the way." She took a long drag. 

Spike practically giggled as he pretended to set a pair of glasses straight on his nose before he sat up, looking every bit the image of a schoolteacher, about to teach a class.  
"In every generation there is a chosen one, one girl in the world chosen to fight the forces of darkness, the demons, the vampires.   
She alone stands against the forces of evil. She is the Slayer."  
He smirked as he ended and took another suck at the cigarette, slumping down on the steps as he did so..  
"Buffy's the Slayer, she kills vampires, protects the world ... all that crap."

"So why doesn't she kill you?"

"Because of this," he tapped his head, "A little government chip placed in my head. I can't harm a living thing."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"All too."  
She pulled back her collar, exposing her neck. "Prove it."  
  
"Don't feel like it."  
  
She looked at him. "Then how do I know you won't go for my neck when my back is turned?"  
  
"Don't be silly. I didn't come after you when I'd just died. Why would I want to kill you now?"   
His hand touched to her face for a second, one hesitant brush with the tip of his fingers before moving back, pulled back in his pockets.  
"I didn't try and kill Buffy when the chip didn't work on her. It stopped ... after she came back from the grave. Things had changed, but I didn't want to kill her.  
I doubt it would be a problem to restrain myself around you."  
He let out a breath, filling a fog betweent hem..  
"And you're not half as annoying as she is. Now dad ... that's a whole other thing."  
  
"Wil-- Spike-- don't hurt him."  
  
Spike just smirked, so similar of his father's look.   
"I won't. Not as long as you're around. Even if I could. But I wouldn't."  
  
"He's a good man William. He always has been. Sort of..." Rose tucked a strand of hair over her ear. "He didn't realize how attached you got to him."  
  
"Of course I got attached to him mum. He was my dad? How was I supposed to 'not' get attached to him?"  
Spike seemed shocked that he even had to ask.  
  
"Methos doesn't think that way...."  
  
"Why do you keep calling him Methos?"  
  
"That's his name," She said, "Don't tell him I told you. He'll kill me."  
  
"You know mum. He wasn't completely wrong about me though. I am evil, soulless... I..."  
  
"You're still my son," She whispered, "I was angry when I attacked you. You're my son!." She brushed through his hair, giving him a weak smile.   
"To tell you the truth, I'm glad at least one of my sons is still alive."  
  
"Well technically..."  
  
Dawn decided to pick that moment to come out with the two cups she was holding. Sometimes it was best to just shut Spike up before he blabbed himself in trouble. She offered the one with blood to Spike and gave Rose a cup of coffee before sitting down next to them.  
  
"So you're really old," Dawn said, "Like, a thousand? Spike, are there any vampires that old?"  
  
"Some. Oldest I've heard of is the Master."  
  
"I'm actually pretty young by immortal standards."  
  
"Really? Wow."  
The young girl seemed almost exited at the thought.  
  
"The oldest is 5,000... ish."  
  
"Wow. The oldest person I ever met was Glory. But I think she was just smoking, ...  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
"Let me guess? You like this kid?"  
  
Methos came out, leaning against the doorframe.   
"It's late, Rosalyn. I'm tired. You have an early meeting tomorrow."  
  
Rose rubbed her eyes.   
"You're right. I have to be at the gallery at eight."   
She threw Spike a quick apologetic glance.   
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Yeah ... Mum I ... I'm sorry for not coming straight home that night mum. I just ... I tried, but then I met Dru and ... I'm sorry mum."  
  
She kissed him on the forehead. "We never know where life will take us William. I'll be by again."  
  
"I ...." He took a piece of paper. "Dawn ...", the girl gave him a stift. Then he started writing, hoping the cigarette paper wouldn't tear under his hand.  
"That's the address of my crypt. It's the big mausoleum. You're always welcome."  
  
Rose took it, smiling.   
"The Old Man and I are going to be in town for a week. I'll be sure to come by..... It's... It's really good to see you again."  
Then they left.

******

Dawn went up to bed short after Rose and Methos left. Spike crossed his arms, looking at Buffy.   
"Let me have it, Slayer."  
  
"Your parents huh"  
She crossed her arms as well.  
"Your dad is kind of cute," she commented.  
Spike just scowled.  
"Don't be so shocked. What..." he glared at her.  
"You didn't ... What you wouldn't think that I..."  
  
"He's happy with my mum." Spike growled. "I think..."  
  
"You didn't try and kill them."  
  
"They're my parents. I'm not Angelus. I wouldn't sink that low."  
  
"But I thought..."  
  
"Not every vamp feels the need to make a feast out of their parents Slayer. Dad had already run out on us and I couldn't-- I didn't want to hurt me Mum."  
He grabbed her shoulders.  
"I am not soddin Angelus. That was Angelus' hang up, not mine. Definitely not mine."  
His eyes went over her.  
"And I won't go evil on you just cause the chip comes out. I won't go after you, or your friends. I'm not Angelus Buffy. I wouldn't ..."  
  
"How can I--" Buffy looked at him, a look of longing in her eyes. He almost reached out to her.  
She backed of.  
"That's not why *this* won't work. I don't love you!"  
  
"Sing me another tune Buffy. I love you. I know ..."  
  
"I know you love me." She pulled away from him. "And I'm a very sorry that I can't feel the same."  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
She went into the house, leaving him at the porch, facing the door as it fell closed.

******

Rose was pacing in the hotel room, staring at the piece of paper Spike had given her. Methos was already in bed, an amorous look in his eyes.  
  
"I can't believe it...." She murmured. "He's ALIVE. Well, not alive but close enough!"  
  
"He's still a vampire Rose."  
He looked over at her from the bed.  
"That's not something you get over with some hugs and kisses  
  
"He's got a chip in his head." She walked to the side of the bed.   
"He can't even hit you. Besides, he's in love with the Slayer."  
  
"Yeah, what's up with that one? Protecting a vampire? It's just weird."  
  
She cradled his face. "Do you know what I just realized?"  
  
"That I'm naked and you're not?"  
  
"We skipped dinner. We left those Doublemeat Medleys in the parking lot at the convenience store."  
  
"Thank God for that."  
Then he pulled her down under him.  
  
"This coming from the man who eats food that looks like road tar?"  
  
"This was worse."  
  
Rose wriggled out from beneath him. "If you're going to insult my choice of food, then I'm not going to sleep with you. I'll get   
myself another room."  
  
"Rose..." He was almost pouting.  
  
"Ugh, if there's one thing I hate, it's seeing a 5,000 year old man pout." She got back into bed, virtuously pulling the blanket over her and incidentally taking up all the sheets..  
  
"Come on Rosie. It's just a hamburger."  
  
"Well, I happen to have stocks in the Doublemeat Corporation."  
  
Methos shook his head. "It's all about money for you, isn't it?"  
  
"This coming from the man who tried to get me to pay back a 700 year loan, with interest?"  
  
"But Rosa, I needed the money."  
He smirked at her.  
"I'm a new professor fresh off for paying my study loans."  
  
"Oh, come off it. You're the reason they INVENTED Swiss Bank   
Accounts." She gave him a smack in the arm.   
"You've got more money than Bill Gates."  
  
"Aw!"  
  
"And don't be such a baby."  
  
"Well, then I think we should play grown-up." Methos kissed her, pulling her into his arms.

****

"DAWN! You're going to be late for school!" Buffy shouted up the stairs.  
  
"I'm going, I'm going!" Dawn ran down the stairs, grabbing her bag from Buffy. She threw the door open, giving a shout when she saw Methos was standing on the stoop. "Oh! Umm--- Mr-- Ummm-- Adam.   
Spike's not here."  
  
"I'm not here for ... Spike." He tilted his head, as if hearing something. "I'm here to see the Slayer."  
  
Buffy came forward. "It's Buffy, not 'the Slayer'."  
  
"Forgive me miss Summers. I'm just not ... accustomed to talking with Slayers. Especially ones with a life."   
  
"How many have you known?"  
  
He started counting of on his fingers, as if unsure ...  
  
"Somewhat over .... 58. Could have been more. I've been avoiding them for the past thousand years."  
  
"How old are you?!?!"  
  
"You don't want to know," Methos said. "I need to talk to you."  
  
"What about."She already moved inside, signaling for him to follow.  
  
He went inside. "I want to know why you're in love with a vampire."  
  
"A ..." She started stuttering. "I'm not in love with a vampire ... unless you mean Angel, but we broke up years ago."  
  
"Angelus?" Methos snarled  
  
"He's good now."

*** 1762, London ***

"Elizabeth?" Methos walked into his home. The place seemed folded in darkness, there was just one small lamp flickering just in front of the staircase.  
"Honey, I'm home."  
  
He couldn't see her, and moved up the stairs, wondering if this was another one of the little games they tended to share.  
"Elizabeth?"  
  
He opened the door, careful for the soft shriek as it hit the third floorboard and noticed a lump on the bed, covered by a sheet. He couldn't see her face, just her golden hair, resembling nothing as much as a halo surrounding her head. He smiled, wondering if she was sick for getting to bed so early and touched her face. It was cold, ... so cold. He whispered her name, lifted her face and noticed the bitemarks on her neck. He stood there, silent and cold as his mind was screaming.  
  
It was because of this that he didn't respond when he was grabbed by the neck. Harsh arms held him close, forcing him to keep staring at his wife as she lay in the bed. She seemed so peaceful. So quiet.   
Then her head moved, her eyes opened and she woke up, her face in a demonic grimace. The man holding him laughed as Methos heart beat through his chest.   
  
Elizabeth's naked body crawled out from under the sheets, her lips frozen in lust. The stranger threw him on the bed in front of his wife and Methos couldn't even fight as she grabbed him and placed her fangs in his throat.  
  
He was barely able to look up into the strangers face; Angelus' face branded in his memory.  
  
But it didn't end there, now did it?  
Killing him wasn't enough for Angelus, not once he found out that Methos came back again and again ... no matter how often the immortal died, it never satisfied the vampire. Angelus shared him with Elizabeth, she took the most of him and then as he too fell down, filled to the brim with the strength of the immortal blood inside of him, grabbing Elizabeth under him and taking her, making her scream his name in front of her former husband. It was only then as life was already slowly abandoning him that Angelus would throw over the scraps to Darla. A jealous Darla who held her own brand of torture for the source of her jealousy.

He'd given up hope eventually, when Angelus grew tired of the game, leaving him with his wife. Leaving him for her to play with. He no longer cried for his lost love or the freedom that seemed an eternity in the past, he just waited for the pain to end and the release of death, as temporary as it had been.  
  
It was then when hope been at it's lowest that the door had been kicked open and Holtz had entered the room.   
Methos still didn't remember ever thanking the man, he'd just ran as soon as he could. He'd watched as Elizabeth had been turned to dust and he hadn't cried for her. There had been no more tears left to shed.


	3. Like father like son

Part 3

*** Present ***

"Good? Angelus? Those two ideas don't even exist in the same universe."

"Angel was cursed, his soul was returned to him. He's good now."  
She stared at him, begging him to believe her.  
"He is being punished, by himself, by his guilt, his pain for what he did to others. He suffers every single second of his life.  
Tortured by the worst jailer ever, his own conscience."  
  
Methos turned away from her, remembering his own guilt, his own history.   
"He killed my wife. Tortured me."  
  
"He stalked me, hurt my friends, killed classmates jut to taunt me...  
He killed the lover of my watcher, put her in his bed for him to find. I know what he's capable of. He's not like that anymore."  
  
"I understand," Methos said, "Believe me, I know what good a killer can do."  
  
"He tried to destroy the world and I had to send him to hell. Hell!  
Not some metaphorical place, but the actual reality of it. I had to kill him to save the world.  
I loved him and I had to kill him, just as his soul returned to him. And he looked at me, ... his eyes, his love ..."  
  
"I told you... I UNDERSTAND!"  
And Methos thought back of Silas and Kronos. How he'd been forced to kill them. How Silas had looked at him in trust, the betrayal he'd given them both.  
  
"When Angel returned, we couldn't be together anymore. He struggles not to loose his soul again. He doesn't even try and escape his punishment. The powers want him here, alive to pay off his debt to the world one life at a time."  
  
"So why did you jump on another vampire?" Methos asked.  
  
"I did not jump on another vampire."  
She sounded enraged.  
"Spike he's ... He's just a friend.  
Sort of..."

Methos could see how uncomfortable this was for her, as she rubbed her wrists, faint scars at her nails.

"I want to know about you. I've never met a Slayer.... Socially."   
He swallowed hard. But he'd killed one before. He had killed several.

*** THE BRONZE AGE ***

The fight had gone wrong. Methos had been too much in the thick of it to see it, but it had gone wrong. He knew that as he held his brothers dead form cradled to his bosom, holding on to it in front of him on the horse. A first breath echoed from his brothers mouth as he revived and Methos had to fight for the horse not to startle too much.

He stopped and let Kronos fall, dropping down next to him.

"What happened?"  
Kronos seemed almost embarrassed. He was shying away from Methos' eyes and almost seemed to be blushing.  
"Kronos!"

"It was a girl, alright already? A little girl that knocked me off for seven feet. She didn't even reach up to my shoulders and the bitch beat me. She kicked me away as if I were nothing."

"A girl?  
What could some girl do to us? We've got more important things to worry about."  
  
But Kronos wouldn't let him go, "She's the one the slaves warned us about Methos. The one that they said has the magic, that she has her power of the gods. She was incredible. Fierce, fast ...  
I wanted her, but she killed me. Me!"  
  
Methos smirked evilly, wondering about the woman that had gotten his brother this worked up..  
  
"Is she an immortal?"  
  
"No. She is mortal." Kronos grinned. "A mere mortal, but such a fire."

Methos smirked back on the horse, Kronos gave his hand, asking for him to lift him back up but Methos just laughed  
"I've been looking for a new bedmate brother, I think this woman of yours might serve that purpose.."  
  
Kronos snarled, but Methos didn't listen to him as he pulled down his mask and set off, back to the village.  
Noone could see the evil look in his eyes as he left, no one could see the lust playing on his lips as he anticipated the fight.

As it turned out he didn't even have to get up to the town, the girl had already been following them. Wearing clothing cut out of animal skins, her face covered with blood dust and grime, she looked almost primal. She was tiny like Kronos had said, but muscular as well. She fought hand to hand, which was difficult against Methos' sword and couldn't have been any more than 14 years of age. Methos couldn't help but wonder who had raised this child, who had taught her to fight. What kind of master had molded this child only to have her face off against the likes of him.  
  
He swung his sword at her and she actually stopped it with her bare hands. Her strength was beyond belief.  
Their eyes met in brilliant stares and he knew that he had to have this woman, either dead or alive and squirming under him, to do with whatever he pleased.  
  
She started to push the sword back to Methos. She thrust hard, hitting him in the face with the handle. She winced, her hands covered in blood. Methos could almost see it dawning in her eyes as the wound healed in front of her.

"You're a demon," She said, "I kill demons."  
She was even more fierce after that, as if a barrier had fallen down. He waited for that moment when she'd fear him. A moment that had always come. But not now, not this time.

Methos let go of the sword and she cut through his stomach. He held in the pain as the sword stuck in his flesh and used her shock to hit her. He kicked her and pulled the sword out. She backed of, trying to face him. In all truths, she could have won. Even then, she had a chance, but her chances evaporated with every growing second.He cut her down, forcing her against the ground. She tried to kick him of, but he pushed a knife through her hand.

"I am Death. Yours if you want me to be."  
  
"I will never serve you."

Still so defiant. The fire in her eyes was still there, there for him to crumble and waste. She tried to get out from under him, but Methos had ridden both mares and stallions with more force than even this child. She didn't stand a chance.  
  
"That's what they all say."  
  
Methos got her pinned to the ground, his hands around her neck. He smiled as he slowly strangled her to death.  
  
He let go for one second, still pushing her down.  
"Live or die child. Your choice."  
  
She tried to kick him of.  
  
When he would not relent, the Slayer simply shut her eyes. "Another will come. One Slayer dies, another is born."  
"Maybe so." His smirk was vicious as he beat her down. "But it won't be in many years to come."

  
*** Present ***

"What's wrong with you?" Buffy asked, looking at Methos. "Something on your mind?"  
  
"Just thinking..."  
  
"Where did you meet one?"  
  
He thought of the Slayers he'd killed. And of the one ... the first one... whom he'd broken. He remembered her attempts to kill herself, all in vain. Until she'd given in. It was then that the fun was over and he'd allowed her to die. He hadn't even returned to have her corpse removed.  
"In fights, in homes, ... just about anywhere."  
  
Buffy read his look, the guilt in his eyes. She moved back. "Like father like son I guess...."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You killed a Slayer, didn't you?"  
  
He turned his eyes.  
"Yes." he finally let out the world in a whisper.  
  
Buffy covered her mouth. "Spike's killed two."  
  
"William killed two Slayers? William?"  
It seemed impossible.  
"Little bookworm William, 'sits in a corner writing poetry'-William? That I find hard to believe."  
  
"Writing what?!"  
  
"Poetry... you know bloody awful little tidbits of writings that are supposed to rhyme." Methos smiled at the memory of Rose holding her sons poems out to him, proud of his ambitions.   
  
Buffy burst out laughing. "Spike... Poetry.... Oh GOD!"


	4. Mrs. Spike

Part 4

Rose could hardly believe the number of graveyards this town possessed.  
For a town this size, one or two should normally have been enough, but here ... She searched for the crypt that William had described.

She opened one and stumbled onto a group of five or six vampires. When they started to advance on her, she flashed her sword and ran out. She kept looking around, then heard a young, feminine voice squealing in delight.  
"Ha! I win!"

Rose went into that crypt. There sat William, Dawn and a flabby demon playing Parcheesi. The demon startled up at hearing the door open, looking completely flustered. 

"I was just going to have Clem take her home, Slay--" William turned around, leaving the sprawl he'd had before.   
"Mum!"

Rose saw how his face brightened up almost instantly. He jumped up, coming up to her. Then turned around.  
"Clem this is my mother..." it seemed as if he was still unfamiliar with having her back.

Rose stared at the wrinkled demon sitting behind a parcheesiboard, who looked up at her with a huge smile. His ears flapped as he moved and she couldn't help compare him to a puppy, one of those breed with way to much skin, that seemed to be made up of wrinkles.

"Hello, I'm Clement."****

Clem got up, sticking out his hand, flabby flesh jiggling. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Spike."

How could one not smile back at the ... whatever he was.  
"It's Miss Marlowe, actually."  
With friends like these, how could William ever be evil?****

"Want some hot wings?"

The demon held out a bucket filled with chicken wings.

"No thanks. I must keep my girlish figure." 

William looked at her, probably noticing that her tight fit would probably put a model to shame.  
"Mum, do you really have to make with the skin so much? You're a grown woman."

"William, I will be twenty-three and a half for the rest of eternity and I will show it off. I don't spent an hour a day sparring to hide my body. Live with the fact your mother is hot."

Clem and Dawn tried to hide a chuckle at William's grunt, but failed miserably.

Spike pulled Rose aside. "Mum, you're embarrassing me in front of Clem and the Nibblet."  
"Now Will, if I wanted to embarrass you I could think up many better ways."  
Thinking of all the childtime blackmail she had on her boy. Not to mention all the baby pictures.

William rushed to the other side of the crypt and came back with a chair. Rose frowned at that, since the three of them had been sitting on the ground. But she didn't say a word as Will placed the chair for her to sit on.  
She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. "What's with this?"

"Mum, you're a proper English lady. I've never seen you sit on the ground.

Rose burst out laughing.  
"And lord it over you all? William dear, I've sat with beggars as well as with kings... A little dirt won't hurt me."

She then became serious.   
"In the same way you are Spike and not William... You have to forget your preconceived notions of me. I am Rose, not Rosalyn Marlowe, your proper English mother."  
She sat down on the ground, picking up a cigarette but that seemed to have landed on the floor.   
"I'm not even English."

"WHAT?!?!?" Spike sat down. "Now I know you're just pulling my leg...."

"Sorry. Welsh. There is a bit of a difference."

"Welsh? what country is that?"

Rose looked at the young girl, "What are they teaching children in school these days?" she muttered.

"So, where's dear old dad?" Spike's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Run out on you again, has he?"

"He's having a talk with your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!"  
Spike looked at Dawn, took back a little.  
"Unfortunately."

Dawn shook her head a bit.  
"Nah, they just slept together. Definitely not boy and girlfriend"  
She said that with a little hint of a smirk on her face.

Rose turned to Spike. "I thought I raised you better than that, William."

"Pot to kettle, Mum. How long you been boffing Adam without a ring on your finger?"

"That's different."

"I really don't see how."

"William! I am your mother and you WILL treat me with respect." Rose calmed down. "Spike, may we speak in private?"

Spike looked at Rose, then to Clem and Dawn. "Clem, you mind walking Dawn home? We'll be right behind you."  
Clem just nodded, Dawn seemed about to disagree, but one look of Spike stopped that.  
The pair left. Spike crossed his arms, looking at Rose. "So what is it?"

"What's the Slayer?"

"Didn't I tell you that already?"

"Not to the world William. To you? What is she to you?"

William seemed shocked that anyone would even bother to ask.  
"She's my everything."

"You love her."

"Of course I bloody do!" Spike shouted. "She's in my blood, my heart-- She drives me insane!"

"She loves you."****

Spike stopped for a moment.  
"No."

It wasn't a regret, just a fact.  
"I wish she did. I wish I could still hold hope but ..."

"Please, I'm not stupid."

Rose could hear the pain in his voice.  
"I thought I could make her love me, I thought when we slept together ... I thought it could be something but ..."

"Spike," Rose said firmly, cradling his cheek. "Listen to me carefully I am very old. I know the look of love."

"It's just ... complicated."  
He sighed.  
"I thought I saw love in her too, but ... if she loves me,... why ... I know she's hurting, coming back from the death and all. But it hurts mum. It hurts."

Rose drew Spike into her arms, stroking his hair. "It's okay, William. It's okay. I know she has feelings for you."

"I tried to help her mum. I tried to be good for her, but she just won't see it. Keeps calling me a thing, telling me I'm evil... I want to change. But can I? Can I be different, if she won't even believe me."

"Try to be a man."

"I did... I did so hard ... she just ..."

"Give her more time, William. She will come around." She smiled.   
"It took your father centuries to finally say he loved me."

"But both of you are immortal... Buffy ... she'll be death within years."  
He closed his eyes for a second.   
"Do you know how high the deathrate is amongst Slayers?"

"She'll come around. Believe me."

"What if she doesn't have the time?"  
He caught her eyes again.  
"Most of them are death before they reach twenty.  
Buffy's already died twice... If she'd die again... I don't know what I'd do."

Rose pulled away.  
"Make her like you, Mum." Spike asked.

"It doesn't work that way."

"But ..."

"Immortality it's ... you have to be born with it. Either you are one, or you aren't ..."

"There must be something you can do!"

"There's only one way I know," She shook her head. "But I don't think it's a possibility anymore."

"Do it." Spike hissed.

"I can't. I don't think it's POSSIBLE. Besides, you KNOW the pain of immortality. Loneliness, pain, DEATH."

"Well I damn sure can't turn her... She'd never want that. Never."

Rose looked at him almost surprised.  
"You've thought about it?"

"Of course I did. I need her."She couldn't help feel for him.  
"Every time I see her put her life at risk, every time she defies death once more... It would destroy her."

"The only way I know to bring on immortality without vampirism is the Methuselah Stone."   
He looked at her suddenly interested.  
"Your father tried for it once. For a woman he'd fallen in love with, a mortal. He failed."  
Rose seemed angry.  
"He tried to give a mortal woman immortality... He loved her enough to give her that power." Her hands shook.

William seemed unsure what to say to that. He looked at her, then away. "Mum..."

She didn't let him continue.  
"It took him 975 years to tell ME he loved me! And he was willing to give Alexa eternity! Alexa... I've know him for centuries, yet I still feel like I'm in her shadow!"

"I'm sorry mum, he's just a wanker. That's all there is to it."

"I love him."

"Hell who am I to deny anyone love. I let Buffy beat me nearly to death and I still love her."  
Rose covered her face, trying to hide her tears.  
"We're a bloody sorry pair ain't we mum?"

"Damn right." She wiped them away. "I should grow up. I know. I'm 999."

"You don't look a day over 998."  
She swapped at him.  
"Come on, let's go." They started to walk towards Buffy's.


	5. The apocalypse, or dad's old buddies com...

Part 5

Night had fallen quickly. It had been clouded most of the day and now even the last rays of sunlight were smothered by darkness. Anya was fondling the money in the register, a little ritual she'd formed, something comforting to spend the time. It was too early to close up, but late enough that she wouldn't expect all that many customers. Though she'd never turn any of them away, no matter how annoying they could be. Anya dropped the money in the register as she heard the tingle of the doorbell.   
"We're closed in a few seconds." She said curtly. She faced up at the demon, her shopkeepers smile straight on.  
Hey a customer is a customer. 

"What do you want?"

The demon's tendrils lifted Anya by the collar.  
"I need the Book of the Apocalypse. I hear it's in your possession."  
It was her book, her property, a pride she'd held on to for centuries, she'd die before she let it be taken from her.

"That's not for sale," Anya said, pulling away. The demon struck her across the face, wiping the chagrined look off of her face.

*****

"So you're telling me that you, YOU, knew Robin Hood?" Spike laughed. "He was real?"

"Yeah. In fact, he's still real. The original I mean, Loxley. He was riddled with arrows. Came back as an immortal."

The pair stopped when they saw Anya, laying on the sidewalk. She was bleeding heavily. Spike ran up to her.   
"Cor, Anya...." He knelt beside her. "What the bloody hell happened to you?"

"I need to see Buffy. There's trouble."

*****

"Slayer!"   
Spike and Rose helped Anya into the house and onto the couch.   
"SLAYER! Anya's hurt."

Buffy, Dawn, Willow and Methos ran into the living room.   
Buffy ran to her, checking her over.   
"Dawn, go get the first aid kit. Anya, what happened?"

"A demon. Got really mad when I wouldn't give him a book. Beat me up then took it."

"What kind?"

"The demon? I don't know... I didn't recognize it.." Anya held the icepack Willow offered to her cheek. "But the book.... The book is dangerous."

"What did the book do, Anya?" Willow asked.

"Vengeance," Anya rasped. "It was one of my books, not the shop's or Giles'. It was written almost 4,000 years ago. The writer.... The writer was an icon in the world of vengeance. A man who had sought vengeance for the death of his family, and became Death himself."  
Methos blinked.  
"The book contained a spell that would bring forth the only people that could strike fear in the hearts of any creature, human or demon. Men so terrible, they were written into the book of Revelations."

Anya shook her head. "No one's too clear on what the spell actually does. No one has ever had the courage to actually cast the spell. Whoever wronged this demon..." She just shook her head again.

Rose looked from Anya, then to Methos. Buffy caught the look, making another of her instinctive leaps that seemed to come out of nowhere.   
"What do you know?"

"What makes you think I know anything?"

"Oh come on ... Slayer here, I do have some extra senses ...

"It's not my place to say anything." She hissed.

"Not your place? If this could destroy the world, then I don't care who's place it is to tell. All I care about is the what, why and how."

"You forgot the who."

"It's Adam's place to tell."  
All eyes turned to the unassuming Englishman.

"Look here Rose. If it is ... then this spell won't work anyway. They're dead Rose. All three of them. I helped kill them for crying out loud."

"You know Kronos could have found a way. A way for him to come back."

"Mac took his head Rose. He died. I killed Silas to make sure he died. I killed Silas myself, took his Quickening. They're dead!" Buffy looked at them both in shock.  
"I'm the only one who isn't."

Spike swallowed hard. "You're one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?"  
The vampire seemed both proud and stunned as he said it. His father, one of the Four Horsemen... 

"I was Death." Methos fell down on a chair.  
"I wrote that book your friend's talking about.

"Methos, what was in the book?" Rose asked.

"I can't remember it all... It was 4 millennia ago. And Kronos helped.... well afterwards at least"

"But could it do what she says? Destroy the world?"

"Not in the way you think. I was stupid when I wrote it. I don't think it will even WORK."

"But?"

"But... If the Horsemen were somehow revived... If I were to become Death once more...   
He looked away, refusing to meet Buffy's gaze.  
"I met over a dozen Slayers when I was Death. And all of them died. Over half of them by my hands."  
All eyes fell on him and Methos wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or scared when all of them seemed to be searching for   
weapons.

Only Rose remained untouched. She took his hand. "It's okay."

"It's not Rose. It never will be."

"You are no longer Death."

"I'll always be Death. It's a part of me. Something I've grown past, but it's still me."

"How did they die?" Willow asked. "The other three. Was it... Mystical?"

"Kronos wanted to start over again. I couldn't let him, he just wanted to go back to killing. 3000 years and the first thing he wants to do after a reunion is go out and kill all of Paris. 3000 years Rose. Why couldn't he have changed?"

"I mean the actual death.... Was it a spell or something that killed them?"

"No. They were decapitated. Mac, a friend of mine, killed Kronos and Caspian, I had to kill Silas myself."

"Oh. Well, no mystical death, no resurrection." Willow said. "That's a relief."

"The Quickening," Rose said, looking up.

"It connected me and Mac."

"What's the Quickening?" Buffy asked.

"It's what happens when an immortal is beheaded by another immortal. The dead's power, essence, is transferred to the killer."

Buffy looked at her friends. "That sounds pretty mystical. We may be in trouble. What can the Horsemen do-- err-- Methos."

"Back in the old days we slaughtered entire villages. But that was the Bronze Age. I doubt anyone would take us serious today if we rode into towns on horseback, wearing masks and stuff.   
Last time ... Kronos had a virus, he was planning to threaten the world with it."

"Do you-- Willow started. But Methos cut her off, crying out. He grabbed his stomach in pain.

"METHOS!" Rose tried to help him back up. He pushed her away violently.

"I think he's starting to put his plan into motion."

"How do we stop him?" All looked at Spike, shocked to hear him say those words.   
"Hey he's still my dad, even if I do hate his guts."

"We need to find out who that demon is," All their attention was focussed on Buffy now, waiting for her to come up with a plan as usual, she pulled in a bit. "who he's after and where he is." 

*****

Dawn sighed, slumping down on her bed. She was always sent away when things were getting interesting. She stared at the wall. Trying to imagine herself with the guys of N'Sync, one of them or all ...  
Her window shattered, a demon-human hybrid burst in. He had what looked like big tusks protruding from his mouth. He held a large sword. Black Tattoos decorated the side of his head. 

Dawn tried to get away and ran, but he stood in front of the door, stopping her. He pulled her up, caressing her with his tongue.  
"I've always liked my food young and nubile  
Dawn screamed as the creature grabbed her.   
The neighbours didn't even bother to open their windows. Usual Sunnydale denial at work.


	6. Planning

Part 6

"DAWN!" 

Buffy burst into the room. Barely noticing that she almost pulled it out of the hinges. She stared at the broken window. A shard of glass had hit into one of Dawn's bears and pieces of white fluff stuck out of it's belly. There wasn't a spot of blood to be found, but the wall had been scratched with a large sword. 

"War has one."

"Caspian," Methos whispered.

"This is your fault!"  
Her fists were balled so tight that her hands became the same colour as her shirt. Virgin white.  
Methos tried to sputter a protest as Buffy threw him against the wall, strangling him.  
"If it weren't for you and your damn book, Dawn would be safe."

Rose tried to wretch Buffy off of him. But her strenght proved useless against the Slayer. They could all see Methos' face turn blue, but Buffy still wouldn't let go. Not untill Spike placed his hand on her shoulder. She turned to glare at him, but finally released her hold, staring at the wreckage around her.  
"If she dies, I'll take your head myself."

"It's only Caspian...." Methos whispered. "I can sense him."

"How?"

"We're brothers. In everything but birth. I can feel him. I don't know why he wants Dawn...."

Buffy froze in midstep.   
"This ritual, what does it take? Does it ...need anything special?"

"Like a mystical energy source?" Spike muttered.

"Oh god no. Please no."  
Methos stared at them both, a question clear in his eyes, one that neither Spike nor Buffy were willing to answer.

"It's not just Dawn," Methos whispered, "There's still two more. If I remember..."  
Buffy glared at him as if daring him to have forgotten.   
"The spell needs the three people most precious to the target. It's a revenge spell Slayer, ... Buffy. Revenge on you, I think."

"On me? Why do they always come after me? What did I ever do?"  
She looked so innocent as she said it, Methos and Spike couldn't help start laughing.  


******

Rose gazed at the small group before them as Buffy dealt out her orders. Willow was sent of to stay with Tara, and Xander had direct orders to take Anya and stay with them at all times. All of them had to keep their cellphones close to warn if anything went wrong. Rose wondered why the girl didn't just stay with them, taking out the demons that might come after them and maybe follow them to their lair. But she didn't bother to point out that flaw in the Slayers reasoning.

William came off the phone after a short though heated call to England.  
"Giles promised to be careful, he's with a coven up in Devon, they'll be able to protect him if necessary."

Buffy nodded and pulled out a nicely carved box. When it opened, she stared down at the wealth of weapons inside; stakes, knives, axes, swords ... She barely held out her hands in time as the Slayer threw her a crossbow.

At least the girl didn't waste time asking her if she knew how to handle one.

Methos got an axe and William, Spike, got a couple of stakes and a sword.

"What now?"

Buffy looked at her in surprise.   
"Isn't it obvious?"

Not to Rose, but she let her continue.

"Spike and me'll patrol, while you guys keep the fort safe."

"No."

Buffy pretended for a second that she hadn't heard, then she shot up, almost angry.  
"What do you mean, no?"

"You need help. Methos and I can give that."  
Before she could argue.  
"He may not look like much, but he can fight and he knows more about the book than anyone. The first part of that counts for me as well... besides, I like Dawn."

Buffy seemed about ready to refuse but William didn't let her.  
"Alright then, one of Sunnydale with one out of towner. That way at least one of each couple knows the neighborhood.  
Mom with Buffy and..." he snorted in disgust "'Dad' with me."

Rose looked at the young Slayer who seemed to be looking for an excuse to refuse the plan, only to fail at that.

"Spike."   
The young woman barely looked at the vampire.  
"Be careful."

William seemed stunned at even that small measure of concern and nodded, hiding a smile by quickly turning away as he led Methos to one side. Rose didn't even get the chance to show her own concern as he did so and yelling after him seemed so ... overprotective. He was over a 140 after all and at some point you had to be able to trust your kids on their own, but still ...

"He'll be fine, Spike can look after himself. He's a survivor." 

Was it her own feelings that made her see hope in the Slayer's words? She couldn't help but think of what she'd gotten from what William had told her and part of her felt ... resentment to the young woman. This was her son's paramour. The woman that William would do anything for.

She'd never agreed with William's taste in women, though she'd never stopped him from making his own choices, his own mistakes. Maybe she should have, maybe if she had stopped him from going after that dreadful Cecily girl, then William would have lived a natural life ...  
But then, those were bygones... water under the bridge and all that.

"And I'm sure he'll look after your friend as well..." the girl was still talking.

"Miss Marlowe?"

"What are your intentions with William?"

Buffy seemed stunned at the questions.  
"My what?"

"Your intentions."

"Noh .... nothing... We just ... He's ... he hangs out with us."

"Can't even call him a friend can you?"

"That's none of your business."

"He's my son, of course it's my business."

"Look, this isn't the moment. We've got a demon to find and ..."

"And what excuse will you find the next time? William is not some thing Miss Summers, he's a ... well undead non breathing person with thoughts and emotions... He's not something you can wipe under the carpet or throw in the dustbin after you're trough using it. 

Buffy was about to protest if something hadn't fallen down on her. The demon was huge, a mixture between a man and an insect, he looked mostly like a giant locust. He grabbed the girl with long talons and Rose didn't think before she aimed the crossbow. Before she could hit something, she felt pushed to the ground, staring around just in time to see a second creature with eyes black as pearl.

"Kronos." she whispered before she too lost conscience.


	7. A mother's worries

Part 7

Spike tried his best to ignore his father, or the man's incessant yammering about the difference between the original Star Trek and the DS9 version. After a year of suffering from the nerds of hell's annoying would be world rulers schemes, this coming from a man he already hated was slow and surely driving him over the edge.

Not that he wasn't already walking the tightrope as it were.

"Will you please shut the fuck up!!!!!"

Methos gave him an innocent look that was fake enough to make Pamela Anderson's breasts look real. Not that he ever watched Baywatch or anything. No sirree.

The man was silent for a second before he started yammering again, Spike wished he could close his ears, but with his luck, his vampire hearing would just overcompensate.  
He growled, trying to stop himself from just ripping the guys tongue out just to keep him quiet, but even that didn't cause more than the immortals eyes to start twinkling.

Spike moved on, leaving the immortal behind, barely keeping an eye on his surroundings. The cemetery seemed almost unnaturally quiet. Not a single demon in sight. He stopped leaning up on a gravestone. He remembered his father, or more accurately, the lack of him. The way the man would jump in, hang around for a few days and then be gone again, with barely a word or an eye for William or his sisters.

Word got around of course. The official story was that Adam Marlowe was a trader, with little time to spend at home. But that didn't stop the gossip, about his wife, about him...   
Lucille had luckily never grown old enough to suffer from it. William had... had a hard time getting accepted, Livey.... Spike still wondered what had become of her. It had been hard being in a crowd were hardly no one saw him standing. He had as good a trustfund as any of the others, ... but none of the family name that the others had.

He shook his head, wondering where the old bastard had gone to. He couldn't risk losing him now. Mom wouldn't like it. Spike turned around, searching the darkness behind him. He could see Methos form resting against a tomb on the other side of the cemetery, one could almost take him for a vampire, if you weren't a vampire yourself and could hear his heartbeat ringing through your ears. Only ... so loud.

Spike got closer.  
"Adam? Methos?"  
His voice grew more pleading with every name.  
"Dad?"  
Methos face turned up, half his face had gone blue, it was roughening up. Spike's stared in horrified bewilderment at his fathers dark black eyes, at the mandibles growing instead of his mouth and under face..

"Run William run!!!"

It was the last words Methos let out, before his mouth transformed further. His hands turned into scythe like appendages and the vampire could barely avoid loosing his head to one of them.  
Spike kicked him away, or tried too, the creature that had been his father hissed, coming after him.  
He didn't know how he got away, only that he did.

******

Buffy woke up somewhere damp and cold. She tried to get up, but felt chains holding her down. The Slayer tensed up, grabbing the chains and pulling hard, ready to break them. Dawn's shriek rang through the air. She looked up, turning around and saw that her chains were attached to Dawns, each time she tried to hard to strain them, Dawns grew tighter, nearly choking the girl.

Buffy let go, allowing herself to sink deeper in the mud, anything to prevent pain to her sister. She couldn't see Rose from her vantage point, though she was sure the older woman had to be near. She could hear breathing somewhere behind her.

"Dawnie, can you see Rose?"  
But Dawn was just sobbing, seemingly unable to answer.  
There was a moan and a curse in Welsh. Buffy tried to turn around, but she didn't dare to pull her chains to hard for fear of harming Dawn.  
"Rose?"  
She muttered it like a whispered prayer, hoping that the immortal would at least have an idea about how to get out.

"Slayer?" Rose whispered back.

"I'm here, so's Dawn." Buffy took another breath, hearing Dawn gasp in pain as she did so.

"Can you break the chains?"

"Not without killing Dawn."

Buffy wasn't in the mood to watch her words and think about Dawns emotional condition. She was to busy worrying about getting them all out alive This was all because of her, because she was the Slayer. God, Dawn could die because of her.  
Rose, Dawn, who knows who else...

"I think Methos is in danger."

Not him too, but if Methos was in danger, what about Spike?  
"Why?"

"That thing.... It was Kronos."

"The big bug?"

"What about the second one?"

"Those demons... I think they were Horsemen."

"So they liked to ride horses... so what?"

"Biblical Horsemen Dawn. End of the world. Devils."

"Oh you mean demons. Great. Do they look like half men, half horses? cause the one that grabbed me sure didn't."

"Dawn!"  
Remember that thing about small mercies, ... by now Buffy was praying that Dawn would just shut up.

Rose started to yell. "KRONOS! KRONOS! Come on! Face me you bastard!"  
Buffy wished she could give the woman a good "Are you insane"-glare, but considering the situation, she decided not to. It wasn't like Rose could see her anyway.  
Of course no one responded, nothing but tapping, a constant tapping of something outside the cell.  
"I'm going to be 1000 next year... I'm NOT going out without a fight."

"God you sound like Spike."

**** Last year ****

She was about to walk up the stairs as they look at each other, even if only for a moment. Spike was the first to break away, to end the discomfort as he walked into the living room.   
  
"Um, won't bother with the small stuff. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady herself." He opened up the chest, picking out some stuff.

He looked so good, still somewhat hurt from getting tortured by Glory, but getting better with every second. She couldn't help warn him, it wouldn't be right not to.  
"We're not all gonna make it. You know that."

"Yeah."   
He grabbed a few weapons from the chest and returned to Buffy.   
"Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'."

"I'm counting on you ... to protect her."

Her words shocked him, she could see that now.  
"Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."

*** Present ***

"Spike'll get us out."   
If not for her, he'd keep his promise about Dawn.   
That much she knew.

"Good to know you have SOME faith in him." Rose snarled, trying to get free of her bonds.

"He... I know I can trust him with Dawn."  
It was hard, admitting even that little.

"Trust him?"  
The woman seemed barely capable of controlling herself.  
"What about him being able to trust you?  
That's all I hear, what he can do for you, what he can mean for you... What about what you can do for him."

Buffy didn't know how to respond to that.   
Sure she'd practiced a hundred talks about why she was with Spike, why she let him do those things ... but no one had ever wondered about what being with her did to him. Noone, not even she herself.  
But he was evil. It didn't ... couldn't matter.  
"He doesn't mind."  
A feeble excuse, but she had no better ones.

"No he never would, would he? He's so busy hoping for a crumb, so desperate for anything that he won't dare deny you anything for fear of losing what little he has."

"You don't understand?"

"What? About coming back from the dead?   
I'm immortal, I may not have stuck around dead for a few months, but I have died before and I have had to claw my way out of a grave once or twice.   
So don't go telling me no one understands."

Buffy didn't want to hear her words, knowing they were all true. But if they were, then what she'd done, what had happened would matter and that she couldn't cope with.  
"That's not ..."

"She's right Buffy, you're hurting Spike. Don't you see it, the way he slumps these days, the way he ..."

Buffy heard Rose take in a long breath.   
"Or are you still hung up on where you were when you were dead? Well, at least you know where you're going. I know where I'm going too. Nowhere. My essence will be stuck inside someone else body. Consider yourself lucky and stop whining!"

Buffy froze and exploded.  
"You don't understand, it's not just that. It's everything..."  
She looked at Dawn.  
"You think I haven't tried it, you think...  
I've done this before you know, love a vampire. It went wrong, very very wrong...  
Angel nearly killed all of my friends because I loved him!  
And Spike ... 

"Angelus? Well, no wonder it went wrong!"

"Shut up!  
Do you even have a clue how hard it is for me not to stake Spike every time I see him, every time I'm near him.  
Feeling him, his cold body, his dead presence around me, reaching in my head, warning me of what he is."

"Why? Because you project your hatred for yourself onto him?"

"No! you haven't seen, haven't been here before.  
He killed people. Dozens of people. Every time I see him, I feel his victims, I remember the things he's done."  
She wanted to stop listening, to stop seeing.  
"Mr Jones, Abigail's father, who died just because Spike felt like it. The other people at Parent Teachers night whom I was too late to safe. He didn't even kill them out of hunger, just for the fun of it.  
People who died for his hunger, the ones who died because they had the misfortune of running into him.  
Sheila, so many others..."

"Yeah and I've heard Angelus gave stray kittens homes when he was soulless."

"I'm not talking about Angelus. Angel has a soul now.  
Spike killed people, he still could if that chip ever came out and if I ... If I loved him and I couldn't kill him ...  
I couldn't kill Angel when he turned, because of that Theresa died. Theresa, so many others.... I can't risk that again. I can't."  
Dawn snorted at that answer  
"Or what about those people when he brought the judge back together. Remember those Dawn? Ordinary people, doing nothing wrong, just shopping. At the wrong place, at the wrong time. Because he thought it would be fun to see the guy rampaging around town. Because Drusilla wanted to dance on our corpses."

"Yes, he could kill people if he got the chip out...." Rose said. "But would he?"  
  
"I don't know, now do I?  
I know he won't hurt me. I'm pretty sure he won't hurt my friends or Dawn...  
But I can't take that same responsibility for everyone else in Sunnydale."

"You silly, stupid girl."

Buffy looked at her stunned.  
"What?!?"

"You're a stupid child."

"I'm the Slayer. You don't know what I go through every day and night. Every time someone dies because I'm not there to save them. Every time I dare to take time off. How dare you insult me!"

"Are you on enough of an ego trip?"

Buffy was too shocked to answer.  
"You're not the only one who fights evil. People die every day. It HAPPENS. Death is life."

"Oh right, another cryptic advice giver. Well I've had enough of those. Last one told me Death was my gift, well it was... and it was taken away from me."

"You're so full of shit I'm surprised it doesn't pour out of your ears."

"You don't even know me!"

"No I don't but I'm a very good judge of character and I know a front when I see it."

"A front? I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about."  
Buffy couldn't stop herself from using a Spikeisme.

"Trying to hide yourself away. Thinking you're too good for my son."

"He's a killer. A vampire."

"You're a killer."

"I kill demons to protect the world. I don't..." Rose didn't let her finish.

"It's point of view. Maybe HE'S protecting the world from humans."

"I don't kill harmless demons. Not..."  
She couldn't continue the sentence, 'not unless she couldn't avoid it', when she didn't know and how often did she know a demon was really up to no good. How often...  
"I wouldn't kill children."  
Except when she had been forced to destroy eggs or young demons that attacked her.  
But what could she do? There wasn't always the time to stop and ask the vampire or demon whether they were good or bad, what their intentions were. Every single hesitation could be her last.

"I'll put it really simply, Miss Summers-- Either be with Spike or let him down gently."

"I can't be with him. I just ... I ... He ..."

"What's so wrong about letting him in the house again?"  
Dawns voice sounded through the room.  
"He was with me all summer, taking care of me, protecting me while the others were to busy with their resurrection plans."  
Buffy couldn't face it, wishing she could cover her ears, hide from the truth.  
"Spike was the one who helped me through it Buffy. Without him I don't think I could have dealt with your death.  
Why can't you love him? Tell me please."

"Do you think ... it would be this hard if I didn't love him?"  
Buffy surprised even herself.  
Rose smirked in satisfaction, Buffy wanted to hit her for it.  
"Why do you think I sent Willow and Xander away, if I thought the demons would go after them, do you think I would have let them out of my sight?  
But he had to mess it up, leaving me."  
A tear fell down her face.  
"He's somewhere, who knows were and I can't protect him."

She wanted to say how much she blamed herself, how everyone she loved always seemed to get hurt because of her but she couldn't.

The door swung open and Buffy got up as far as she could without hurting Dawn.  
It was one of the Horsemen demons. Even more buglike than the ones she'd seen before. It smirked and Buffy just knew that if they didn't get out now, they never would.


	8. Taking a stand

Part 8

*** Bronze Age ****

The Horsemen's settlement wasn't big. It contained little more than a couple of tents in the midst of a large natural wall of stones. Some slaves, both male and female scuttered through the camp, animated voices sounded through the air, as the voices owners carefully kept their eyes on the four men joined in the center of the camp.

None of them looked up the sounds of a girl's screams. None of them looked up as she struggled under their master's hands. None of them would dare go up against the masters, for who could win a fight against a demon of their nature. They called them Gods, they called them masters, and none would dare stand up for the young woman fighting for the last shreds of her own self.

It didn't seem to matter to the girl that her one leg was bound to one of the rocks, tied solid to prevent her escape. Just loose enough for the masters to have their fun with her, but to tight for her to move further than a few feet. The girl struggled under Methos's grip and he pushed her down under him. Slowly lifting up her dress to accommodate himself. The girl wouldn't let him, her knee kicking up, hitting him where it hurt. He let go, winding in pain. She kicked again, forcing him of her and rolled over. Kronos and Caspian stayed in place, laughing at the scene.

Damn it, tied with a chain strong enough to hold any human man, and most demonic species, and still she managed to pose a threat. But then again, that was half the fun wasn't it?  
To tame her, or to have her die trying.  
He sneered at her, backhanding her. She had to pull back as far as the heavy metal chain would let her.

"Silas!"  
The giant looked up from the horse and threw a whip at his brother.  
Methos snapped it at her, she pulled on the chain, hissing at him in her own tongue, one of few he'd never bothered to learn. She pulled further on the chain, he was still laughing at first, but then something snapped.

He stared at her in shock as she pulled the pike out of the rock, not breaking the chain, but the hold it had been put in. Methos and her danced around one another, him motioning at his brothers to stay back. The girl kicked at him, using the chain as a weapon, but he was better than that, using the whip as a means to stay out of her immediate reach.

Then she lashed out.   
He'd never know if she'd even expected to get away, if she'd even thought about escaping. All he knew was the feeling of a bronze pike pushed through his heart and seeing her stradling him, holding him down.

"Don't kill her!" His last words before dying. She stared at him, he didn't know why. All he know that the look on her face as he died, was nothing compared to the look as he came back and she was tied down once more. Her lean, starving frame bound with several chains.

He laughed at her fear as he bent over her.  
"I told you child. Your successor will be a long time from now."  
She practically convulsed as his fingertips brushed through her hair and the terrified look on her face felt like the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

********

One two three four.  
You let them run and think they got away.  
Five six seven eight  
You stay behind them just enough to herd them to the right direction, but far enough that they think they stand a chance  
Nine ten ... and then you grabbed them, just as their hopes for escaping were the highest. You'd grab their bodies, drink the fear in their eyes, in their blood and it would be the highest rush imaginable.

Only now... It wasn't so good when you were on the other side. Spike didn't dare look back, he didn't dare hope. He jumped up, grabbing the top of the fence and pulling himself over. He landed on his hand and feet and looked up, straight into those huge black eyes. Spike found himself trapped, his back against the fence and the huge insect that used to be his father in front of him.

The vampire went to gameface and lashed out, but Methos grabbed his hand in a solid grip. Spike roared in pain as his hand was crushed and twisted, forcing him to the ground.

"Stupid fool of a boy."   
Methos' hissing voice strangely enough held the same tone that the immortal normally used. The tones he used to listen to as he slowly fell asleep on his mother's lap listening to the both of them talking about lands as odd as in a fairytale, stories, legends, past, present and future.  
"Moron. To think I ever gave any of my names to a failure like you."

There were moments there, moments that he'd believed that his father had loved him. Like dad taking him and Lucille out for a walk to the park and playing with them while mommy went out for a walk. They'd played tag, dancing around their father, yelling out for his attention until he'd come after them. Lucille had been best at the game, picking just the right time to be caught so daddy could lift her in the air. William had been to much of a boy to try and do the same thing, but he'd looked at him and dad had touched his hair, trying in vain to get his hair to stay down before they went home.

"You're nothing. A demon pretending to be a man. A creature of evil skulking around the living, waiting for hand me downs, begging to be accepted by those he's supposed to hunt."

Dad had been there when mom had brought him to school. It was a big day after all. His first day. William had waited for his mother as she and his father had been kissing, a long goodbye before he left town again.

"You've never meant a damn thing in your life, before or after your death. You were nothing but a worthless, waste of space, pretending to be a poet then, like you're only wasting space now. What did they call you again? Tell me boy, what did they call you?"  
Spike grimaced in pain, suffering as the demon slowly crushed every bone in his fingers.  
Nothing, he wanted to respond. But that was all too true, for he had been nothing. Just a number in the class, just a small shadow to obedient to call attention, to small to be useful to the gangs.

"WHAT DID THEY CALL YOU?!"

Spike could feel a quiet reply slither up on his tongue, he wanted to stop it.   
"The bloody. William the Bloody."  
And the demon was laughing, but it wasn't to laugh about, not any more. He'd made the name his own. It had been an insult then but he'd made it his trademark, killing as many as he could, just to rebaptize himself in their blood. But even that hadn't cleaned the name of it's foul taste of humiliation.   
Now had it?

"William the Bloody Awful." The demon smirked.  
"William the failure, a failure as a son, a failure as a student, as a poet, as a man ... and now as a demon."

Father carrying the sled, while William and Lucille played around him as mom carried Livey in her arms. William slipped, his foot stuck behind a stone and he fell on his knee. Even through the snow, his knee hurt and he felt warm tears slide down his face. Dad dropped the sled and kneeled down next to him, wiping away his tears.

"We should have drowned you when we found you!"

Spike growled, his feet kicking out, desperate to kick the threat away. He barely managed to move the demon a few inches.  
"You filthy bastard."   
He could barely keep himself standing, holding on to his injured arm. Methos came closer again and Spike shied back.  
"You're lying. I'm Spike. And I don't give a bleeding damn about what you say. Maybe the real Methos, doesn't mean this, maybe he does but I know who I am and my father never did."  
He forced himself straight up, using the fence for support.  
"I am the fucking greatest warrior that ever walked the earth. I killed two Slayers in just one century, I survived Angelus and no one, and I mean no one, especially some bugbrained loser that just happened to have raised me is going to tell me otherwise!"

******

Buffy held her breath as the demons entered the room. Rose started yelling at them, but they seemed to just laugh at that. Buffy recoiled as the darkest one kneeled down next to her. It's claw roughly brushing alongside her face, It's dark black eyes were unreadable but she could hear his breath come out in slow soft hissing.  
It pulled up her face and Buffy could hear Dawns breathing become labored as the chains around her sister's neck tightened. Buffy wanted to kick him away, but the demons strong legs held her down.

"What do you want?"

But the demon didn't seem to be listening to her. Huge pincer like jaws chewed on something inside, and Buffy could feel her stomach roll over inside of her.

One of the things antenna touched her, brushing past her breasts, up to her neck.

Dawn screamed.  
Buffy turned her face to her sister's side, seeing the second demon with Dawn. It's four upper legs over the young girl's body. Something long came from it's mouth, entering Dawn's. Buffy struggled to get loose, only to hear pain coming from Dawn. Then it was too late and Buffy felt the first demon crawl over her as well. She could barely see a third demon doing something to Rose. Her throat burned and time had run out for thinking.

The pain lasted, it lasted forever and when it was gone she found herself in a circle. As she opened her eyes she saw two others, Dawn and Rose. The three demons surrounded them, waiting for God knows what.  
Buffy shuddered as she heard a kind of tapping, of someone coming in. She tried to fight, but even though nothing physical held her down, she found herself incapable of moving.  
She was dizzy, she knew she was standing up because her eyes told her so, but nothing in her body gave her any clue on anything. She tried yelling at the demons, baiting them, but her lips wouldn't move even as her mouth stood open.

And worst of all, they ignored her. If they'd kidnapped her, if they wanted to attack her, then why didn't they do something so she could fight them. They'd grabbed her, insulted her, tied her down, done things ... but never more than that, never faced her and she didn't know why. What did they want of her and why were they here?

A fourth demon came in, a mixture of blue and white. It's long talons were sharp like scythes. It's dark black eyes shone off against the light of the torches. Yet the most horrifying bit about him was what he'd been carrying. The load he dumped to the ground in the fourth circle, one standing slightly in front of the others.

Spike, an unconscious Spike.  
Buffy screamed, but no sound came out and Spike just lay there, the only proof of his continued existance, that he wasn't dust yet.


	9. Sorrow

Part 9

*** 1866 ***

It had been one of the worst nights of her life. She'd sat there, helpless as the doctor informed her that her daughter had mere hours left to live. Lucille had been a child, too young even to look at boys, too young to have her eyes wander over her brothers friends. William sat in the corner, he seemed to be reading. But Rose knew that like her, his mind was trapped in Lucille's room. 

Methos came down the stairs, he seemed emotionless as he did so. Rose couldn't stop herself and ran up. He grabbed her arm and made her face him. She pulled loose and went inside. Lucille lay still in her bed, even from the doorway Rose could see that her daughter was covered in sweat.

Rose sat down next to the bedstead and held her daughter's hand.  
"Mother?"  
She didn't even look up as William came in. She didn't know how much time had past, how long she'd been sitting here. She wanted to warn the boy away, to keep him from getting sick as well. But she lacked the energy for it.

The boy held on to a bowl with water and rags, careful not to spill a drop. She thanked him and used it to dab her daughters face, desperate to lower the girl's temperature. To make her more comfortable.   
She wanted William to leave, to go down with Methos who'd stopped trying to get her to leave but she couldn't get it out and William leaned down against the bedstead, sitting at her feet. Methos finally came in, his hand resting on her shoulder and she turned to him. He seemed uncomfortable dealing with her pain, he knew too much of it, to want to be a part of it now.   
William rested against her, his warmth a strenght to get her through the hours as Lucille died.

*** Present ***

Rose gaped at the demon, blinking. Her tongue wetted lips to dry to feel. "Methos......" Pain was etched into her features. The man she loved had been twisted into a deformed demon. His long tongue touched out at her, caressing her with a gesture of possession. Then he left her to take his position in the square.

For some of the longest seconds of her very long life William lay there, as still as the corpse he was. She almost begged for him to breath or move. Then his eyes broke open in a faint golden glow, ridges formed across his face.

Two men she loved, both of them wearing a demon's face.  
Yet she could not love either of them any less.

A fifth demon slithered in her sight. It crawled in on its back legs. It's forepaws hung in the air, barely clinging to the soil in front of it, supporting it's huge upper body. The thing spoke in what she recognized as an Akadian dialect.  
She didn't understand much of it, a few haphazard words, some nouns...  
Mother, lover, child, revenge...  
Repeated over and over again.  
And William was spread out right in the center of the square, the center of the ritual.

Buffy seemed to get it the same moment she did. A flash of shock faded near instantenously as her body convulsed in an attempt to break free. A wordless scream seemed trapped on her lips and Rose couldn't help feel a sense of kinship with the young woman, joined in their love for William.

******

Spike desperatly fought to get up, but with every passing second the air gained in weight. For some reason the demon seemed to focus on him and he didn't have a sodding clue what it was about. The thing grabbed him by the neck, lifting him up. Spike spat at it, his arms wailing about, trying to get free. The demon's hold on his neck tightened and Spike's body struggled under it's grip.

"I loved once vampire. I loved just once and you destroyed my mate, now yours will pay the fine for your crime."  
Damn lousy bugger, what the hell was it going on about, he'd never even seen the damn thing.  
"The Ritual of the Apocalypse has that to say to it. Through the coming of the Horsemen the three shall be brought. The mother, the lover, the child. And through those three and the offendor, vengeance shall return what was taken."

For an instant Spike had an image of Buffy jumping of the tower, of seeing her broken body spread out in front of him, hearing her heart stop beating and listening, desperate for it to jump in again. Seeing her body, her eyes still open, as she's lying there. Taken from him. He shuddered at the thought, at the grief in the demon's voice. And part of him was disgusted to think that he knew exactly where the demon was coming from.  
Would he have done any different for Buffy?  
Was what he did to doc any different from this demon's reaction?

But when had he ever met him, he couldn't remember it, couldn't think of a second which could have given the bastard his cause. He'd killed many demons since the chip, ...

The demon's claw hit his face, piercing his skin and he could see it bright as day.

A demon hitting a car filled with kids. Buffy had been dead and everyone had to pay for his missing her. The thing had grabbed one of the boys in the car, it's talons moving for the boy's throat. He'd yelled at it, calling it's attention to himself. It had stared at him and then ignored him.

Untill he'd attacked.   
"Why do you fight me?" it had asked.  
"Aren't we kin, demon to demon?"  
But he'd ignored the words and had kept hitting her with his axe, turning it to a bloody pulp.  
The kids had tried to thank him, but he'd vamped out, scaring them away. He hadn't wanted thanks, or companionship, this wasn't about them, it had been about Buffy. About losing her. It had been about feeling his heart break in a billion pieces, shattered with her fall.

He growled in hatred, staring at the demon's many eyes.  
"How? What are you going to do?" He finally managed to say.

"Do? Nothing, it has already begun."

Rose stared in shock as the demon that Methos had become came up to them. Leaving his place, the other demon stared up at him, it's eyes reflecting Methos, but not Spike. Never Spike.  
"What?"  
Then before the demon could respond it ended up at the other side of the room, flying after a kick from Methos.  
Rose stared at him as the Methos-demon kneeled down next to her, it's hands on her.  
"Rose?"  



	10. Demons

Part Ten

*** Bronze Age ****

Methos hurt all over, he'd fallen asleep mere hours before, his slave lying beside him.

She'd fought as usual, but in the end, he'd won, also the usual outcome. She was kept starved, low on food, getting barely enough to stay alive, though he'd never allow her to starve to death either.  
It didn't fit his plans for her.

He'd taken her, over and over, enjoying the fight like he would have enjoyed taming a worthwile stallion.  
Kronos had just smirked at him, wanting to borrow her, but Methos had refused.  
He wasn't finished yet.

Only... why was he lying here in the mud? And why did his body hurt so much?

He touched his chest and the pain there burned like wildfire, the blood clinging to his chest, to his head. He slowly got up, checking the surroundings. He wasn't in his tent, that much was clear. Still at the campsite but not on his cot.

There were fires all around him and he stared up, seeing the slim figure of the girl standing over something. 

"Kronos!"

He yelled his brother's name over the abyss, but the girl didn't listen. She brought down her sword and Methos heart froze as he saw his brother's head depart from his body. The Quickening started slowly, creeping, crawling over to him, hitting him for all he was worth.His brother's mind caressed him, holding him. It surrounded him with sweet kisses of farewell. It's tendrils warming him.

Methos cried as he fell on his knees.  
Mourning the one he'd loved more than life itself, his brother in all but blood.

The girl just glared at him and laughed. He could hear her chuckle stinging him like a whip and it shred him apart. He tried to crawl up, getting to her, to stop her, but his strenght had abandonned him.

And her sword came down once again, killing Caspian, then Silas. Both of their Quickenings touching out to him. He felt himself pulled in the air, invaded by their presences. Silas simple mind hadn't even understood what had happened.  
Caspian's harsh goodbey was the worst of it though. It pushed him, turned him, untill he fell down the ravine close to the campsite. He kept falling and stared at the face looking down on him. She'd killed his brothers and he'd have his revenge.

That above all he swore, his brothers' death would not be forgotten.

*** Present ***

Methos stared down on his hands, black taloned claws. Wiry arms clutched to a body with a shell harder than it ever should have been and he stared at the others. At Rose who lay at his feet, fear of him, fear for him, fighting for supremacy in her mind. He could smell it on her, her human smell, the demon inside of her. The demon inside of them all.

He better than anyone knew the truth, the horrible truth that had broken the sanity of many an immortal. They all liked to think themselves so human, but they weren't. Not even mister goody two shoes MacLeod himself.   
The darkness, the evil was in all of them, yet with some it just came closer to the surface.

It was so straightlined with immortals, hardened through ages of life. Burned down through love and hate. Frozen in the disgust of what they were as people discovered them. So many fled into purity, either good or bad. Thinking of it as black and white, no shades, no shadows... But then ... the shadows were always there, one step behind. And with every second, with every emotion they creeped in further untill all that was left were the shadows and darkness fell complete.

*** Bronze Age ***

For the first days after his brothers death, Methos merely wandered from city to city, hunting the Slayer, while she hunted him. The nighttime a hiding place for them both.

He rode into a stonefilled valley, seeking a resting place to hide from the whithering sun at it's peak. Looking for a place of shade and shelter.

When he entered the cave he felt a strange force desperately trying it's best to stop him, but he wouldn't let it. He was too enraged to let it.

Filled with vengeance and hatred he found his way down into the darkness, slipping so far that even the light of the sun no longer followed him.

It was then that he found it... A dark pool of light.

He moved on and stared down on the water, kneeling down to take a sip. Something slid over him as he did so. Slowly, surely it crept up on him, pulling him down and he couldn't help but fall as it pulled him down, into the cold solace of the pool.

Strange words slipped from his lips and he felt himself surrounded by his hatred, taking wings in his urge for retribution.

He could feel his skin hardening, his eyes growing deeper, his form changing, ... but worst of all... he found himself not caring of any of it. And the words kept coming and he sat up, staring at the water and his horrifying reflection inside of it. Death frozen at it's core. His shrieks gained form and before him formed a roll of parchment, writing the words he created, granting them form.

He fell down, nearly drowning as all strenght left him, but he came out reborn. He knew the truth now. He knew what he was and that truth would set him free. He didn't come out for another year, finding himself clouded in darkness, more with each growing day. And when his work was done, what crawled out of the cave, could barely be called human.


	11. Rebirth

Chapter 11

Everything moved so damn fast. Life, death, anything in between,before or after. There was no rest for the wicked, no peace for the just. Life wasn't fair, it wasn't supposed to be, yet... for some reason Dawn was still hoping for a happy ending.  
The folly of youth.

It hadn't been fair that her mom had died, it hadn't been fair that Buffy had had to jump in her place, or that she'd never fully returned. Sometimes, God Dawn hated herself for this, but sometimes she wished Buffy had never come back.  
All through summer it had been her memories that had kept her standing. She and Spike had lived on for Buffy, because it had been what Buffy would have wanted. There had been the bot to keep up her memory and they both could agree that the bot could never replace Buffy. Nothing could, shockingly, not even Buffy herself.

It was weird how all those memories had never held those little annoyances. Like Buffy's attitudes over household chores, or fights over a sweater, or why Buffy would never clean the sink after she used it. They'd been more along the lines of their love, their sharing a cry over mom's death. Or how Buffy's hands had felt on her, protecting her. Her voice had never sounded scolding when Dawn remembered her or angry...

It had been so easy to forget the fights, the bad things.  
And then Buffy came back, and nothing was like she'd remembered it to be.  
It had been great that Buffy was back, so great, but still ... she couldn't help miss those long months of summer of remembering. Of playing cards with Spike, watching B-movies together, with him munching the popcorn while she heated his blood for him. Sometimes she even thought that Spike only sipped his chips in the blood because he got a kick out of shocking her. It wasn't so much that Buffy was over, or past them, she was there every second, of every hour, but ... she'd been something to hang on to, something to support one another with, to make them go on.

Her throat was stinging, a lump in her throat that had silently been building ever since she'd woken up. Only now it's sting had gone from annoying to painfull. It stung, in her mouth, on her tongue, her throat, her heart... A pain that overwhelmed all other senses. She stared at Methos' horrified face, the pain in his eyes, large bulby near unreadable, yet still horror covered him plain as day. Her mouth opened in a scream, yet all that came out was a pure blinding light. Bright white light, pure as heaven. She tried to force it to stop, fighting the agony. She barely noticed how the same light grew out of Rose and Buffy. Stormclouds formed above them, inside the building. A lightningstrike hit glass, the floor, everything surrounding them, forming circles and symbols where they were drawn on the floor. Finally Dawn could no longer keep her mouth closed, her scream transformed into light. The demon rose up, returning to it's chanting once more. 

*** Bronze Age *** 

Methos stared at the demon he'd tricked into chanting the ritual His brutal image looming over the poor sods spread out on the floor. Four sacrifices, one to be transformed. The offender, the parent, the lover and the child.   
The offendor was the Slayer of course, and Methos basked in the suffering he could see in her eyes, the fear clinging to her like flies. Seeing her tendons lenghten, her bones shift their shape according to the predicted model. To see her scream as her loved ones' souls shifted to the demon forms of the Horsemen surrounding her. 

Methos gloried in the strenght imbued to his demonic body, knowing all the time that he'd loose that once the ritual was finished, that he'd be human again, or at least as human as any of their kind could ever be. He didn't hold a single regret. The demons next to him felt familiar, kin. The idiot who'd summoned them thought they'd been called to serve him, to perform his vengeance, Methos forced down the smirk building up at that stupidity. And slowly the Slayer transformed, taking the shape of the demon the fool was trying to ressurrect. 

The light rose around them, their Quickenings dancing in the air, inside of him, twirling before they broke free. Lightening hit the trees surrounding the clearing, gaining on them, forming the ritualistic symbols created in flames. The sacrifices were still screaming their souls out,literally. It wasn't long now. The parent, the Slayer's Guardian, the child, her baby son, the lover, her husband... 

Methos gloated in her pain, laughing out loud as each of the Horsemen grabbed one of the sacrifices, placing the humans' lips against their own, sucking their soul out of them, till nothing was left but dried out shells. Methos yelled out in victory as his brothers regained their human faces, he alone stood before them, still in demon form. Kronos was shaking wildly, freezing, Silas huddled down in terror, Caspian... There had always been a mad gleam in his youngest brother's eyes, but now... that madness was no longer just hinted, it had broken out, turning him into a joke of the warrior he'd been before Methos had found him. Yet... Alive, they were alive!! 

Slowly he turned to the demon who'd done the chanting. The thing had stopped, backing off in shock. It tried to run, but Methos grabbed it before it could make a run for it. He showed his gratitude by simply cracking the things neck, killing it slowly. Then he turned to the Slayer, her soul still trapped in the demon form that her body had taken. Methos kneeled down next to her, bringing his lips to her mouth. His tongue entered her, pushing hers down. And as he drank her soul she screamed in utter surrender. 

***** 

Buffy didn't know what she was feeling as it happened any more. She was barely aware, yet still she couldn't help searching for Spike. She looked for him, wanting to see him, wanting to shout at him, to tell him ... to.. Where was he, how.. God the pain! One of the demons came up to her, grabbing her... She tried to push him off even as she was abandonned by her strenght and her screams sucked out the last bit of her life left.   
Spike!   
Where? 

She could see him now, lying in the middle of the square, pushed down by the demon... the one she knew by name, what name, how? 

The demon moved over Spike, touching him...   
Noone got to touch Spike! He was hers! 

The pain. It's mouth... The creature touched out to him, straddling him, straddling her vampire. Then the things mouth hit Spike's, light ... light on Spike, light could ... kill him. She pushed against the demon on top of her, her anger managing to finally get herself to stop screaming. 

NOBODY TOUCHED HER BOYFRIEND! 

And as she pushed the demon away from her, it startled and looked at her in fear. Buffy forced down her weakness, forced down her fear. All she could see was Spike... and noone was allowed to hurt him... noone but her.

She placed one hesitant step towards him, it backed off. She moved again, a bit less slowly. It just stared at her, somehow she'd surprised it, no shocked it. By the time she moved again it was too late for the thing to run. She forced it down, knocking it out against the wall. There was nothing left to use as a weapon.

There were three of them and she was all alone. But her mind didn't get the odds. Her mind was simple. Spike hurt, need save Spike. Simple really. It was all she needed to know anyway.

Buffy managed to stay quiet by sheer force of will, refusing to show defeat. Not even aware that it was this very silence that kept her alive. The demons didn't stand a chance. Too weak already... But she didn't know that either.

When they were down, one had it's neck cracked, a second lay unconscious on the floor, the thir... still looking as confused as it had as she'd ripped it's heart out. Only one was left, the last one in her way of saving Spike.  
The one that was forcing Spike down on the ground, underneath it's own body.

Methos!!


	12. Sacrifice

Intensely sorry for the extreme delay, but still... here it is, the 12th chapter. After this, there should be one more chapter and an epilogue, and then ... finished, woe be me.

****

Chapter 12 

  
  
  
  
  


It had been a long day, one of the worst. Methos knew he needed all his concentration to keep up with what he was doing, yet it grew harder with every single second that passed. William was pressed down to the floor, held down by his body seated on top of him. He'd placed his lips on the boy's mouth and knew he'd have less than a minute to finish the task at hand. The ritual started as he'd known it would and he could feel the demon's energy sink into him. It was almost done, so close... Then he made his first mistake he looked up. 

Buffy was standing in front of him, she was weak, how had she gotten free in the first place... he wanted to back off, but he couldn't. Not now... He could smell the rage in her veins, her fury keeping her going, while in any right world, she shouldn't even be able to keep standing. 

He whispered her name, softly the word sank through down to William. The vampire looked up, as if to say something... But he was too weak to do so. 

That's when she attacked him. 

Methos fended off her first blow, needing to continue the ritual, for his own sake as well as the world's, but he couldn't utter a word. His mouth was still changing, growing, reshaping him. Soon he'd change even further, ascending to a pure demon form. A form that would leave his mind blank of anything he used to be, anything that was his. Powerful, yes... but he would be dead just the same. 

She kicked, he defended, she hit, he dodged... His razor sharp claws hit her, drawing blood.   


***** Earlier *****The demon Death looked at the weakling before him. Pleasure rang in him to punish this abomination that had turned against all that it's essence should be rejoicing in. He turned the screws even tighter, sticks and stones might break your heart, but words... they could destroy you... "We should have drowned you when we found you!" 

The vampire growled, his feet kicking out, Methos winced as he was hit and flaunted back a few inches. Methos couldn't believe that the thing was still standing. Weak in heart and mind, yet still the vampire stood tall, refusing to bow down. "You filthy bastard. You're lying. I'm Spike. And I don't give a bleeding damn about what you say. Maybe the real Methos, doesn't mean this, maybe he does but I know who I am and my father never did." He forced himself straight up, using the fence for support. "I am the fucking greatest warrior that ever walked the earth. I killed two Slayers in just one century, I survived Angelus and no one, and I mean no one, especially some bugbrained loser that just happened to have raised me is going to tell me otherwise!" 

Methos hit him back, pushing him up, barely keeping control so as not to just kill the punk. He had to keep control, had to get his brothers, had to... And the boy mirrored at him with a look he'd seen in mirrors a thousand times over. 

Cheeky, psumptuous, his own... 

Rose's son. Rose's boy. 

One of many. 

It wasn't like the boy mattered to him, no more than any of the others. He didn't get Rose's affection for her kids. They all died, eventually. Mortals always did. But yet despite that, the boy mirrored him, was like him... The vampire. 

And part of him woke up again, if not for long. Or forever. A part of him that set the boy down... They faced off. Demon to demon. And Methos remembered his brother's return. His killing them and why. The vampire would confront him and fight him, but he'd fail and the ritual was already in progress. Too late to stop it, too late to do anything. It had to be completed, though. Not so much for the other Horsemen... They were just pawns in it all, unless they were given the souls of the sacrifices, they'd weaken until they fell down and died once more. The energies that brought them back were temporary at best. 

But he... The ritual sank into him, into his Quickening, into the part of him that was ancient and evil. It cried out for him, changing him. Ascending him to something that should never be.   
  
  


***** Present *****//"They'll die you know." Spike glared up at him. His poise ready to attack. "Once the ritual is started, if it isn't finished correctly... They'll die. No matter what you do, or whom you kill." 

Soddin' hell. It couldn't be true, but what if it were. What if the bastard, for once, was actually telling the truth. Bluff or truth, maybe even both. He didn't know, had no bloody way to tell the difference.// 

The fight was still going on, with Methos growing stronger and stronger, soon it would be too late, and all of them would die. The bastard had been right all along. Only one way, one... He forced himself to move, to lift his head and say something. But he couldn't even let her name leave his lips. They're eyes locked, bound by the ritual, bound by love, bound by life and death and all what more. 

//The wind gushed beneath him as he swung up and down. Up and down and up again. He was laughing, Buffy sat in the swing next to him, competing how high they could go. Then he let go, flying higher and higher. He didn't even wonder as he landed in a golden field of flowers. Buffy sat next to him on a linnen cover spread out over the ground. He brought a piece of pie with a cherry on top to her lips, she briefly touched his fingers as she let it in. Darkness rose around them, and the flowers changed, becoming darker, intermixed with gravestones and dark pools of liquid blood. 

"Spike, what's wrong?" 

She didn't even seem to notice, but he did. "They'll die." 

She touched his hand, he blinked and they were in an alley filled with fire. 

The Methos-demon stood there, holding Spike in his grip. "I need to drain a soul, an essence of presence to regain my humanity. If I don't, I'll change and even I fear what would happen then." 

"I can't let you do that to any of them." 

"I know you feel that way, William, but this isn't just about one life... it's about millions of lives." 

"Then bloody well take mine." 

The demon eyes looking at him disregarded him in a second. "You don't have a soul." Spike didn't even feel hurt at the harsh words. 

"No... But I have an essence, the demon's essence inside of me. It won't be a great loss for me to die anyway. Take me." 

That's when the bastard beat him out.// 

Buffy stood opposed to the demon, staring at him in shock. She held her arm, ready to hit his face. She took one look at Spike. They're eyes met and he could almost hear her say the words, "I love you." But it was only a dream. 

She fell on her knees, letting go her defenses. Facing up to the demon. "I can't let you kill Spike. If you need a soul, take mine." 

The real Methos seemed to break through again, even if only for that moment. "Are you sure?" He seemed to ask, only not a word came from his lips and a mere nod from her head came from Buffy before they touched. Spike's scream broke through the room, as harsh as a banshee's yell as the demon's hand moved to his Slayer, his Buffy, and her eyes lit up in pain. 


	13. One soul

Chapter 13

He waded through a pool of endless red darkness. Blood reigned his thoughs, the urge to taste it, to feel it, to bring it out.   
Crush, kill, destroy...  
The beast inside of him nearly recoiled at the stench of humanity that drenched the killer in front of him. He forced himself to move on and touch his claw to the human and a fire burst through his veins, clearing the red haze like smoke forced apart by a fresh breath of wind. He stumbled, falling on his knees, as her essence invaded him, her capacity for love ringing through his heart and innarts. Tearing him apart from the inside out. It clung to him, holding on to the threads as it rearranged his body as well as his soul. Softening, humanising his body and mind. Destroying what evil it faced and lifting both their souls in a whirlwind of change.

Her soul, his soul, for a moment they were one and the same and the night fled at her touch. But only for a second before darkness reached out fo rthem both. She held him from the edge, like that other Slayer once had before her. That other girl, once, so young. She held his hand, leading him in their dance away from the ravines of his mind.

They were two, Buffy and the other, the girl. He'd never even bothered to learn her name. He'd tortured her, raped her, taken her,... he'd killed her friends, her family, he'd taken everything she'd ever loved, but he'd never even learned her name before he swallowed her whole.

The Slayer touched him, both Buffy and the other, reaching into his heart, his human heart.

Death, Methos, Death, Methos, Death , Methos,

Death!

Methos!

He sank down in pain, falling on hands and knees, his human knees, unable to weep for the sacrifice. Not yet. He wasn't finished, there was something... something he had to do.  
He stood there, staring, it seemed to last hours that single moment... The demons faded, his brothers as their time had past and they were returned to the abyss that they'd been called back from. Yet it didn't even seem to touch him. The vampire was bawling his eyes out over the Slayer's still form, the little girl too weak to move, joined in where she'd fallen.

Rose managed to crawl up to him, close enough to touch. Holding his face, before she fell in his arms, tears of saddness dropped down her eyes, confused why her relief was so full of guilt.  
And he stood there, fixated on the body cradled in the vampire's embrace, feeling it's mind still inside of him. He could feel her fading, knowing that soon she'd be gone forever, lost in the labyrinth of his mind like all the Quickenings he'd taken in his life, all the souls he'd absorbed. Yet for now, her remaining strength still held on to the last thread of her existance.

The beast snarled at him, lost in the pain and suffering of his loss, clearing it's fangs, it's eyes no longer a mere golden, near silver as it's tears painted it's emptiness. He nearly lost a finger as his hand touched out to the body. It didn't bother him though. Blood rang along his fingertips as he touched her skin, touching the blood dripping down from her mouth.

Tendrils of lightening flung between their wounds, dripping red.

There were millions of them, millions of children, men, women... People he'd known, people he'd killed, loved ones. She sat amidst them like a queen holding down the fort in the endless chaos of his mind, protecing a trembling child in her arms.

"Who are you?"

"Me.

Their hands touched out, first sinking without the sensation of touch, then clearer, them alone against the night, sharing in the never ending plains of his mind.

In the real world Buffy gasped for breath and cried for all who'd been lost.

******

"So what happened?"

Rose sat on the ground next to her lover, unable to let go of his hand as she brushed past the fading wounds on his naked skin. He seemed almost elflike, inhuman, yet beautiful unlike the horror that he'd been drenched in before. Methos seemed almost hesitant before he answered, wary and almost innocent. As if what had happened had left him with a fresh plate.  
"She gave me her soul to save him."  
He seemed almost in awe as he said it.  
"I couldn't let her die, not after that,..."

It struck her as odd, awe this deep, it wasn't normally a part of Methos. She frowned at the statement.  
"Then why does she... Methos, I don't know how to explain this, but there's something wrong here... she doesn't feel like she did before."  
Not mortal, not immortal, not even pre-immortal, all those she'd sensed before. It felt like nails screeching on a chalkboard, inhuman in it's howl. She still cringed at it's touch even as it faded when her eyes met the girl that was still trembling in William's arms.

"I couldn't just return her soul to her Rose, part of my Quickening went with her."

Rose stared at the girl. "Won't that..."

"I don't know, it might just do nothing, it might make her something more... she's already the Slayer, so maybe it won't mean a thing."

"You think it will, don't you?"  
She tried to look at the girl, as if her eyes could tell her the difference.  
"Do you think it'll make her immortal?"

The answer came abrupt."No!"  
Rose flinched at the newfound harshness in his voice.  
"She wasn't born immortal Rose, she can't ever be one of us. But maybe just maybe... It'll extend her life, make her heal faster, slow down her aging. It won't put her in the Game, it won't make her one of us... But I think it'll change her."

Buffy hadn't heard what they were saying, she was resting in William's arms. William seemed almost unwilling to let her go, even if only for a second. His fingers held her gently like a crystal, terrified it'd break under his touch. Buffy didn't seem to mind.

Rose smiled, remembering William's words.   
"I don't have the time to wait."  
Maybe, just maybe he'd be wrong.


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

  
  
  
  
  


There were dreams afterwards. Scary dreams. Killing, loving, caring... Dreams of hope and despair, of life and death.... 

Buffy woke up silently, holding her sheets close to her, huddled in a bundle. It was the bond really, her and Methos, her and a monster so ancient it defied description. A monster that was also a man more alien than any demon she'd ever fought. She couldn't understand him, as hard as it were for him to understand her. They were too far apart for that. In mind, in experience... She was a flame, burning hard and fast, he was a relic that had stood through the ages, been there, bought the bearskin. 

Her/his nightmares/dreams... Terrifying in their intensity. 

And still he had a soul, a soul that Spike would never have. She'd seen the cruelties in his mind, his souled mind and they'd made Angelus look like a bored child throwing a tantrum.Spike had fallen asleep on the chair next to her, he'd put her in the bed and she'd begged him to stay. He hadn't dared refuse. So here she was, and here he was and now the shock was over it all hit her again. The fear, the shame, the pain of knowing... yet for some reason it all seemed to fade in front of the nightmares that defined her life. 

Rose had said her fears didn't matter, but Buffy doubted that truth. Rose had been right in one perspective though. She couldn't keep using him like this. Spike, William... deserved better than this. 

"Spike wake up." 

She shook him lightly, he woke up sort of groggy, looking at her with deep pools of blue. Her hand on his, his eyes on hers. And she wished to god that what came next never did, that she could just pull him in her bed, have hours of nondilluted, glorified sex cellebrating life and death. Only this time; showing him how much she loved him, giving him all of her and basking in the glow in his eyes as he heard her say the words. 

She couldn't, though. "Spike, we need to talk." He sat up, staring at here like a man drowning. She could so easily get lost in those eyes. For once he was too stunned to start talking. She was almost happy for that. "You once told me I treated you like a man, William. That I made you feel alive. Thing is, you aren't a man, you aren't alive and ... I don't know how to deal with that." Oh god she was hurting him again. What was it in her that always used the wrong words, that hurt him without even wanting to. 

"Buffy, please, I can change..." 

"I know you can, I know you have. Oh, God, Spike why do you have to touch me so damn much?" He was obviously fighting the urge to reach out to her, but she pushed his hand away from her. He didn't fight it. "We can't go on as we did Spike. I was using you, and it was killing us both." She hesitated for a second before continuing. "I know it isn't what you want to hear, I know it's not what either of us wants... I know that part of me is broken and working itself out on you and that that's wrong of me." He was so clearly fighting back his tears. "I know I want to get to know you, I know I want to be there for you, like you were for me. But I'm not ready for anything else, not yet. And I know..." By now she was crying, he sat there too stunned to react. Too stunned for anything, yet his tears broke him out of it, making him want to comfort her even in his own pain. "Can we... can we just go back, can we?" Friends, maybe more, someday...   
  
  


********* 

  
  
  


Methos stared up at the window of the Summers' house, a sad smile on his face as he looked at the room. Rose sat in the car next to him. They'd given their goodbeyes earlier, adresses had been given, tears had been cried and Methos almost wondered why it even mattered so much. 

Rose leaned back in seat, her fingers playing with one of her curls. She'd been trying to get him to explain, to ask about the insanity. Yet noone really wanted the truth. What should he tell her? "We're demon-hybrids, created as a true mix of good and evil." Or even better. "Whomever wins the Game gets to ascend into true demon form, whether for good or bad." Or what about this one. "All your thoughts about the chip and it's effects on William... none of them matter, cause hey, we're not human enough to set it off in the first place." 

Souled, yet inhuman. How do you cope with that? But so few people understood. 

"Methos?" 

"A few years ago, there was a watcher named Horton. He was one of the best. A good field agent, objective, fanatically devoted to the group." Of course she'd heard of the man. "They made him watch first the Kurgan, then Kage... And he almost cracked under it. At watching them kill, at watching their cruelty. He was already getting the idea that immortals could be monsters. Then some idiot got the idea of putting him in charge of the library at Paris headquarters for a while. To get him eased back into normal life, ... to get out of the field for a while. He found an old book. One written by Degus, a monk who'd been the watcher of one of the holiest immortals that ever lived. Degus was insane, driven mad by his experiences as he'd watched this holy man face the most evil immortal of his time." 

"Darius." she whispered. He just nodded. 

"This holy man, his name now long lost by time faced of against Darius who was lost in his demon, in his inhumanity. Yet he didn't fear, they faced of and in the end the holy man kneeled down and gave Darius the same that Buffy gave to me. His soul, his Quickening." 

"And Darius was changed forever." 

"So they say." She stared at him, wondering when he was going to make his point. 

"Horton read, and he went searching for more, he found it, the truth. And it sickened him... it took him into realms of possibility that terrified him." 

"The Hunters." 

He hesitated. His cure to the blight of immortality. His hope to save the world." She gasped. "We don't have to be monsters Rose. We are both human and demon, gifted with a choice. What we do with that choice... Horton realized that and still he feared it. He wasn't all wrong." 

The thing with bonds, they form even when you least want them. His love for Rose, even for Buffy and William. They were his children now, one of his soul, one of his heart. Even the little girl in the room upstairs who was too scared to move out and tak to her sister. William's little girl, as much as a granddaughter to him. Another bond that he hadn't planned for. 

He laughed, how weird life went.   
  


The End 


End file.
